Triggering (Abuse) - Did he abuse me or did I abuse him?

[Talulahbelle]

Hi everyone.

I would like some advice. I am not sire whether what I did to my boyfrend was abuse.

My boyfriend is a very proud and very controlling man. Last night we got into an argument in the mall because i was a few minutes late for out meeting. I told him in an angry tone that I wished he would talk to me as good as he talks to his assistant. He looked at me and said you ony wish you could br someone's assistant, and that I was too old for anyone to hire
me when I graduate (I'm 25 and still in college). After he said that, I looked at him an in a loud tone told him "f**k you"
an started walkig awy from him. He chased
me, grabbed my hair from behind and pretended to be holding me when in reality he was pullin my hair. He then made me walk to a restaurant in the next floor while still holdig my hair and slightly pulling it. I basically felt like a dog on a leash. He never didthis to me before. He has been verbally abusive but he never did this. So on our way to the restaurant he took my iPhone which I had been holding and kept it. We got the the restaurant, I was crying, and i begged him to return my phone. He wouldt and we stares arguig and henstartedthreatening to leave me there without my phone. To make a log story short, I slapped him in public very hard. I hit his head more like it. I told him to give me my phone back but he wouldn't. He just kept walkig away. So I kept tuggig at his bag. I hit his head aout 4 times total.

Now he claims that I abused him. I told him that the reason I hit I'm wad because he treated me like an animal by dragging me from my hair.

My question is.. Was what I did wron? I feel guilty and i feel like it's my fault and I was the abusive one.

My family dislikes him very much because he
has cheated on me and is always verbally abusive. This
is thefirst time I actually hit him.

Did I abuse him or did he abuse me?

[All I know is falling.]

I think he was being very controlling and abusive by pulling your hair like that. That's very degrading, and he shouldn't have done that. If I were you I'd leave him. He had no reason to get angry at you for being a few minutes later.

I'd consider what you did to be self defense.

I see that as self-defense. Besides what he did was basically theft by taking your phone without permission and refusing to return it, and I think that would be a reasonable reaction to theft. Not to mention he assaulted you first, so he really seems to have provoked it. Hitting him may have not been the most helpful response, but I don't see it as abusive since he exasperated and abused YOU to the point where you lost it like that. Abuse refers more to using and controlling and trying to have power over someone, and it usually refers to something continual, not an exasperated response to degradation and abuse from the other side. So I don't think you're abusive by having reacted like that when he did that.

I really think you should leave him. He's trying to put the blame on you cause he knows HE is the abusive one and he wants to make you look bad, he's really not worth your time. He's trying to guilt trip you so that you will blame yourself when he is treating you badly to control you.

You deserve better. And also the fact that its getting worse means that he could get even more violent towards you, you really have every right to leave.