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Old 18-08-2007, 03:59 AM   #1
Kallisti
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Triggering (Sexual Abuse) - Definition Question and Related Problems

I just realized something about my abuse.
First of all, it can't be called abuse because I was 7-12, and the other boy was 8-13.

But what I realized was that he may have actually been abusing me, not just us playing games. He may have been taking deliberate advantage of me.

And it's really making me feel like ****.

*Curls up and cries*



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Old 18-08-2007, 01:04 PM   #2
bloodletting
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sweetie you have every right to feel like crap about what he did to you..and yes it can be called abuse. he was doing stuff to you without your consent, and he was at the age where he definately knows right from wrong. and as you said yourself, he was taking advantage of you.
have you spoken to anyone about this? counselling might be a good thing hun.
take care xoxoxox



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Old 18-08-2007, 03:56 PM   #3
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*hugs* i dont think it matters how old he was, or if he knew right from wrong (which at that age he should) if he was abusive towards you then its abuse. regardless of age. like you said he was taking deliberate advantage of you. anyone making you do things against your will, be if by force or manipulation is abusing you.
i hope youre ok xx





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Old 18-08-2007, 11:46 PM   #4
not_so_insig
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My abuser was the same age as me (give or take a few months). It was still an sexually abusive relationship, no matter what the age of him was. I remember a particularly bad science lesson *shudders*.

I firmly believe it is something wrong in their brain that they are born with. Age has nothing to do with it, although some are better at suppressing it until they are much older than others.



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Old 20-08-2007, 01:58 PM   #5
~JellyBaby~
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Honey, age doesn't really come into it unless you're both tiny and neither child has any objections, then its not abuse its experimenting, but he was at an age where he knew it was wrong and you weren't consenting therefore it is abuse. The fact that you are beginning to think that the games were a method of taking advantage of you confirms this. It was wrong, it was abuse and it most certainly was not you're fault. *big hugs* I know how hard going over the abuse can be, and I strongly suggest you see someone about it, a counsellor or therapist. Good Luck hun, PM anytime. Love, Amy xXx




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Old 26-08-2007, 05:32 PM   #6
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Well, I didn't really have objections cuz I was a really insecure kid and any attention was good. I know I never told him "no", never even thought it, actually, but it just really f***s me up to think he actually knew what he was doing.

Actually, scratch that. I did tell him "no" once, and he agreed (it was late at night on a sleepover) but we woke up in the morning and started again.

All these years I thought he was a curious kid who knew a bit sexually, thought up games to play and that we played them in a twisted sort of innocence...but thinking he did any of it on purpose, deliberately taking advantage of my insecurity -- and it seems really likely, in retrospect. When it was only he and I, I was fun to be around, we'd do things. When our other friend was around, I was the odd one out. They both knew that I hung on their every word so they'd purposefully take advantage of me (in non-sexual ways, just playing normal unsick games.)

And just seeing him talk to people (because he's a member of my extended family, we see him fairly often) is painful because I can see this calculating, cold mind behind it all. Everything he's putting up is a facade....and that just clutches my heart. A few days ago it did right as I was kissing my girlfriend and....oh, it hurts.

I feel weak.



"When I was a little kid, my mother told me not to stare into the sun, so when I was six I did..."

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Old 29-08-2007, 06:35 PM   #7
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*hugs*
I kinda understand hun. My abuser was the same age as me too, a few months older, and I didn't really get a chance to say no either. It's a horrible thought that there are children out there who are already absuers, that they have already hurt people. He was in the wrong, and even though it was a horrible experience that no one should have to go through, it's over. Maybe you can't ever forget about it, but you can come to terms with it after a fashion.
I agree that you should get some counselling if you havent already had any. You can get through this hun, you have everyone on RYL behind you. You're so much stronger than you think you are. *hugs*
take care and stays safe doll.
xxx



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Old 30-08-2007, 06:33 AM   #8
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I've heard it said that many times when a child is abusing another child it is because they have been abused themselves and therefore think it is okay or something.

But whatever the reason, it is still abuse and can still be damaging, and I'd suggest that you find a therapist to talk to about it.

You aren't weak, you are allowed to feel hurt. I'm sorry that it happened to you, and I hope you can find yourself someone who can help. *hugs*




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Old 04-09-2007, 08:04 PM   #9
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I just want to second everything that's been said above. No matter what age he was, it still classes as abuse if you didn't want it to happen. And although you say you didn't say no (apart from once) he should have been able to tell from your body language at the time that it was something you didn't want. Because if it was something you agreed to, it wouldn't be upsetting you the way it is now. I'm sorry it happened to you hun, and I hope in time you can come to terms with it.

Take care hun
*hugs*
Chrissy
xxx

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