Panic attack at hospital, operation cancelled, mum ready to kill me. Just need some friendly words.
I was supposed to have my tonsils out this morning, it would have been over by now but I'm at home instead. Two years ago I had a blood clot and at my pre admission they took a blood test and said everything was fine.
I was first on the list this morning and I'dve been home by about 4 or 5 this afternoon. But with ten minutes to go they changed the list because they had to talk to someone about me and my risk of blood clotting again. They had to give me some medication meaning I would have to stay in overnight.
I am TERRIFIED of hospitals. I often think it would be easier to live in one but that doesn't stop them being terrifying to me. When I had my blood clot I was supposed to stay in for at least a week but after the first night I begged to go home and was home by 8 that night. I had a cry and a scream about going in this morning in the first place because I didn't even want to be there for the DAY.
I had a panic attack and refused to stay in overnight but they said I'd have no chance of going home. Mum had a go at me in front of all the nurses and other patients and I was having a panic attack at the time so she just made me feel TEN TIMES WORSE.
She brought me home eventually but not until she had moaned at me sufficiently enough to make me want to curl up and die when I got home. She just doesnt understand that I would rather have tonsilitus over and over again than go through having this operation and staying in hospital. I feel like ****.
I hope that you are O.K. right now.
Last year, I refused to give my O.K. for an operation and everybody around me was so angry and desperate because I told over and over that I would prefer to die than to be operated but well, in the end I said that I will get operated.
Please listen to YOUR inner voice and try to not listen to something like a screaming mother.
Hug, take care,
I can't control my destiny.
I trust my soul. My only goal is just to be. (Rent)
I'm selfish, inpatient and a little insecure.
I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. (Marilyn Monroe)
Thank you everybody, *hugs back*
I know I should have my tonsils out, the amount I have tonsilitus it rally does make sense but, omg I just can't do that. They only will ever be in hospital is if I've been rushed in and have no choice.
One of the nurses tried to guilt trip me into staying by saying that the bed could have been used for someone else, that just made me more angry and upset, if I hadn't have been thinking I could well have screamed at her for that. I wasn't the one who changed the plan of action, I wasn't the one who didn't do my job on time and caused the problem. I was just the one who had been totally freaked out by everything so guilt tripping me wasn't going to do any good.
Mum isn't even talking to me now. Barely a word since we left the hospital.
Thanks again for the support guys, it means a lot to me right now.