Triggering (SI/Sexual Abuse) - i dnt knw wat to put here. *ED trig*

[slasher]

ive only ever told my therapist this, she says its just that we were finding out about ourselves and nothing more. im not convinced. it still bothers me, its still in my head. even now it wont leave. it makes me feel sick it hurts me, the same pain i feel im upset, the shame and disgust at myself that i feel. pathetic little me, useless. stupid, waste of space that i am.

TRIGGER please dnt read hidden bit if ur not feeling safe or gd at the moment.

The following content has been hidden - Reason : triggering and graphic

i was 8ish, he was about the same age as me, in the same yr and same class at scool. he said it was a game. we were friends, we were at my house playing a board game in my room. then i sed we shold go downstairs and get some food coz i was hungry. i went to the door. he blocked it.he was bigger and stronger than me.he pushed me onto the bed.

*hides* i cant write anymore i write wat he made me do,it probably is jsut being pathetic.atm. its too much.i hiding inmy room at the mo feel like i cant go into uni today, like if i go in they will know. even now wen im 23 this is still geting to me. still bothering me.
if ive posted something i shouldnt have tell me and i'll delete it, i just
i dnt know.

[crazykat]

If it's had this effect on you, then I don't believe it is something that should be brushed aside. I'm sorry she didn't validate this for you. What he did was wrong. Your not pathetic hun

[88shelz]

it doesnt matter how many years ago it happened...there is no time limit on how these occurances effect you or play on your mind.
it obviously was something that you knew was wrong and werent happy with. keep talking to your therapist about it. s/he is there to support you and help you find ways to cope with this safely

[slasher]

i cant get it out of my head, its going round and round. i just feel unsafe. and alone. my housemates think im pathetic coz i have panic attacks about getting ill or thinking i am ill. or talk about things to each other. im scared they'd talk about it or tell ppl wen they were drunk.

i feel like here is the only place i can attempt to get it out. i just wanna cry.

extreme trig

The following content has been hidden - Reason : extreme trig. SA

he made give him oral sex, then forced me to sit over his head.

i was 8 yrs old. he was the same age. thats not right. is it? i mean. .
he wouldnt let me out of the door. i couldnt get away. i cldnt call out.
it wont go away. its affecting my relationships with the few boyfriends i had. im scared of having sex. being that close to someone. i hate my body as it is. the idea of someone seing me naked just fills me with terror.

[slasher]

i feel so alone and yet ive spent time with people today.
keep zoning out. :S