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Old 09-08-2007, 04:20 AM   #1
Comely
You seem so bruised,and it's beautiful
 
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Triggering (Abuse) - Haunting Memories and a Fear--advice wanted

So,I've been abused in some way or another,basically my entire life. It was physical,possiblely sexual(suppressed memories...so I'm ont sure...),verbally,all the time. Well,I've been having the memories of baracading myself behind doors in fear of my safety/life,and the yelling and the names;the tears and pain that a person being abused suffers. I can't forget. The past 5(6?) years of my life have been verbal/physical/emotional abuse from my step-dad. Well,he quit drinking a few months ago,and he is now talking to me more casually etc. He doesn't have a good memory,and without a doubt does not remember any of the serious abuse he has done to me. Well,I remember.And,I don't know if I can handle this whole resolution thing. I'm in and out of serious bouts of cutting/burning/suicidal thoughts,because I just can't forget. And everytime he speaks to me I'm nervous. This man helped to destroy my self-esteem and mental health;my trust and my life. Am I supposed to be able to ever have a normal,at least friendly relationship with him someday?Or is it okay to feel like I really just don't want to try and develop any type of sensible relationship?

Point: My mom is going away for two weeks,she leaves in 4 days,and then it is just him and I. And I'm so afraid,there are so many bad things that could happen.He is SO incredibly dependent on my mom,to the point of over-neediness,even my mom admits to it. I'm afraid he'll drink again,and i'll be alone with him......I'm just not sure how to go about handling this.I've thought of having a friend stay with me,but I wonder if that is an even worse idea.I'm just not sure what to do.....

help?




"You're in the bathroom carving holiday designs into yourself,hoping no one would find you.But THEY found you,and they took you,and you somehow survived."


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Old 09-08-2007, 08:47 AM   #2
crimsonsurrender
 
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*hugs*
I can understand that you would be afraid about this, is there someone, a close friend you could stay with while your mum is away?
Sounds like you could really do with some support, have you talked to a counsellor at all?

Take care

.x.
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Old 09-08-2007, 10:03 AM   #3
Stellata
 
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I agree with crimsonsurrender.

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Old 09-08-2007, 12:21 PM   #4
bloodletting
wish someone cared enough to stop me....
 
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hey hun..sounds like you've been through a lot in one lifetime. no one has the right to treat anyone else the way your stepdad treated you. i can understand that you don't know if your ready to forgive him..it's not something that you can just get over..as crimsonsurrender said have you thought about counselling? this could help in the long term.
as for now, can you try to stay with someone else..friend or relative? if that's not possible then i dont think it would be such a bad thing for you to have a friend stay over. your stepdad may decide to behave if someone else is around, and if it gets bad your friend can go home, and hopefully you can go with them.
take care hun..hope it all goes ok
xoxoxox



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Old 09-08-2007, 03:09 PM   #5
perfection is a flaw
 
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*hugs* please try and find somewhere safe to go.
youre not at all obliged to have a normal relationship with him, nor any kind of relationship for that matter. what he did was unacceptable and it will take a lot to forgive him if you ever want to. are you seeing a counsellor? it might help to restore some of the things that he stole.
take care
x x x





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Old 10-08-2007, 05:12 AM   #6
Comely
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Thank you all for the support. I started seeing a counsellor at the end of June/beginning of July. She is helping me come to terms with the fact that I HAVE been abused my -entire- life,because the victim doesn't often see it. And she is a big help.

Maybe I'll give myself a day to see how it goes.I am at work for 14 hours during the day,basically,and then I come home and he goes to bed. I am going away for my days off. Hopefully this will help. I think it should be,considering he isn't drinking. it's just the fear of knowing what could happen,and remembering what HAS happened.




"You're in the bathroom carving holiday designs into yourself,hoping no one would find you.But THEY found you,and they took you,and you somehow survived."


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