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Old 31-07-2007, 12:53 AM   #1
Pop
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Suffolk UK
How do I deal with adult bullying? Possible trigger

I had a happy few years at Primary school and was bullied everyday at secondary school. I spent my 20's and 30's gaining confidence that I had lost from my school day bullying. I have been on anti depressents in the past and have a phobia if eating out and there are people sitting behind me...I believe as a result of my history.

I feel a bit embarresed writing this as I can see my problem is nothing compared to some on here.

Anyway I joined a car club about 11 years ago, made many friends and ended up helping to run it as treasurer, event organiser and everything else I could because I loved it. The club was open to everybody. Until a small group of new members joined who started spreading rumours, lies and tried to underine myself and the chairman. These people were biggoted and only wanted a certain age group and type of car welcome. We left and started another club that has a name that makes no doubt that it welcomes everyone. Only these few people are causing trouble still from the outside on forums and amongst people we know. Threats of violence at shows. Complaints about us at shows for things we are not responsible for.

This group of people seem to attract a good ammount of friends to their club who are all seemingly turned against us. This remids me of the schoolday bullies....but we are now adults!!

I dont have a problem with them having their predjudiced opinions and their own club for like minded people. It's just that they will not stop critisising and putting me down via 3rd parties.

I cannot avoid them as we go to the same events. I always remain civil and politely say hello to them....they just ignore me. It's so childish and I should be stronger. But it hurts.

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Old 31-07-2007, 07:56 AM   #2
Stellata
 
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: London area

Hi. I've also suffered severe and persistant bullying at school, and then in my previous job/s, so I can very much relate.
Your problem is something. What you've endured is traumatic, is abuse. Yes, bullying is abuse.
What is happening in the group now probably is magnified by what happened to you at school. Triggers seem so so huge and frightening. The sad fact is that once you've been a victim of bullying, the risk of it happening again is increased, and it tends to become self-perpetuating too, I know myself that I have an internal bully who bullies me, the way They all did, Back Then.

Adult Bullying by Peter Randall is an excellent book that should help. I'm not sure what to advise about what you're suffering now, as I've managed to get out of the bullying environment I was in [primary school teaching.] and build a safe environment for myself, at home and work. I am still vulnerable to the bully inside, flashbacks and dissociative episodes, however and they are my working points.

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Old 31-07-2007, 04:17 PM   #3
hat
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Join Date: Feb 2006

keep a little note book and record everything that's happened up to now and if anything else happens, write it in there. its evidence, and don't hesitate to call the police for advice about what to do and how to press charges for harrassment. this stuff is toxic and causes emtional/psychological distress for a huge number of adults.. i've had it and seen it happen in workplaces, clubs and anywhere else groups of people gather..

some guy tried to bully me two nights ago in the same household, threatening me with violence. i asked him how he'd respond if i spoke to him like that and i could see his eyes whirr as he thought about it and the bulb came on! he apologised (i know, how rare is that!!).. just wanted to share with you that talking can sometimes and i mean sometimes, help them see what sh..ts they are!

keep safe.. you're not alone in this and age is immaterial when it comes to this kind of stuff

wishing you strength and self acceptance

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Old 01-08-2007, 12:45 AM   #4
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Suffolk UK

Thanks guys,

Longing tears. I know what you mean about flash backs. Every interaction I have with people I look for traits in their personality that are familiar with bullying from years ago. I'm very sensitive to realising when someone or other persons are bully types. I tend to confront it when I see it but not able too when it is against me.

Hat, yep I have notes and posts on a forum saved which I have spoken to the police about. If the bullying moves up another level I will act on it. However, considering the damage that has been done already I have to admit I'm afraid of confrontation.

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