I'm so sorry about the delay in replying to your thread. I can hear how frustrating this is for you, it sounds as if you have felt angry for so long that you have learnt how to deal with it, but this sadness is new and strange for you. Maybe you could look into ways to help you cope with the sadness, it might help to talk through how you are feeling or write things down. You're moving on, as tempting as it may be to make yourself go back to feeling anger, that's exactly what you would be doing: going back.
I think that it's important to fully acknowledge how you are feeling, explore your feelings, and try to work through them. I know that you can't get your childhood back, and you say that you're unsure of what childhood is really like to feel that loss. No one can go back, and the most important time is the here and now, you can make this what you want it to be. I hope that you find a way to cope with your emotions. Please get in touch any time. Take care. xxx