Triggering (SI) - "If you weren't depressed 300% of the time"

[singing potato]

Today my best friend, James, and I were messaging each other. He just found out a girl he's talking to online thinks she loves him, he doesn't really like her so he was saying how he doesn't want to hurt her,etc. We were basically talking about that for a while. Then well I'll show you when the conversation started going downhill...

Me: Oh well, there's worse things than being liked by someone.
James: For you maybe, you hate it when people like you. or at least you don't show that you enjoy it.
Me: Honestly I wished people like me, you have no idea how lonely I feel everyday and I don't just mean "like like" I mean just in general. I wish more people wanted to be my friend. Things like that get me very depressed often....
James: Well, i'm here, and I'm sure plenty of people would like you more if you weren't depressed 300% of the time.
Me: I don't know...
James: You think people will like you more if you're always pushing yourself into the dirt? I don't.
Me: I don't know, it doesn't really matter.
James: .........I don't see why I bother.... if you're not even willing to help yourself, why should I try and do it for you...

Then he signed off, I did moments after that. I went upstairs into my room, laid on my bed and cried. Then I cut myself. He's one of the people I usually tell if I hurt myself, this time I plan on keeping it to myself. I still feel bad, but I don't really feel like cutting...well maybe a little. I feel so sad. Last time I cut all he said was "Oh goodie......am I supposed to be surprised?". If I tell him this time he'll probably feel bad and I don't him to. I have a bad feeling in my stomach. Usually if he or someone else upsets me I get over it if I cut or just usually over time, but this time I still can't get his words out of my head. Also, I kind of feel tired from all the crying. This is the LAST thing I need right now because I have a week to memorize the rest of my lines for vacation bible school, I can do it, I just need to be able to focus....Maybe just once more?.....I just wish cutting could completely get rid of my problems, I guess I'm not that lucky.

One last thing, don't get the wrong impression of him, he's really a nice guy and he's my best friend.

[momo432]

I'm sure he is nice, but sometimes other people just don't know how to deal with other people deliberately hurting themselves.
I'm sorry, I can't think of any good advice.

Hope you feel better soon *hugs*

xx

[Lyn]

Hey, hun *gives you a hug*
I'm realy sory that he did that. And please don't cut anymore, it's not going to change anything, okay?

And whatever I write now, I don't mean to hurt you and I don't want to offend you. But I think that he probably cares for you a lot, and he wants you to make friends and be happy. But I think he can't understand why you SI, why you choose to hurt yourself out of all things. I think that he maybe feels angry at you that you don't ask him for help and that you don't stop yourself from doing it. And I know you trie and I know it's hard but for most people SI is just something they don't understand.

Try to talk to him again and explain things to him and stay safe *hug*

[singing potato]

You're actually thinking the opposite. I know he cares. He has self injured before, not consistently though, like me. If anything I think he may be angry because he tries really hard to get me to stop. There have been times where I said I wanted to stop and was going to, but every time I just ended up sounding like a broken record.

[The One Who]

He probably either doesn't understand your depression, or he's frustrated that he can't seem to help you. I know I have this issue with some of my friends, they get annoyed at themselves and it gets reflected onto me.

Or he might be trying to spur you into helping yourself, but just not really going about it the right way.

Have you spoken to him since it happened?

[singing potato]

Yes, I have he said "I'm sorry, I was really stressed and kind of snapped at you". So we're cool now, but the things he said still kind of sting. Haven't told him yet about me hurting myself because of him. I want to tell him, but I'm afraid he'll be upset about it. I don't know what to do. >.<

[cuppycake]

I've had a few friends kind of tell me that before... Its hard, because some of them, they want to help so bad... But they just feel that no matter what they say won't do anything.
I absolutley hate it when people tell me that they can't help me if I'm not willing to help myself... Because if I wasn't willing to help myself then I wouldn't be talking to them in the first place, I wouldn't be trying to find SOMEone that could maybe make it go away, or to at least distract me.

-huggles-
I hope everything is okay with you and him. He seems like a nice guy, just a little frustrated.