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Old 09-02-2015, 08:29 AM   #1
Lindsey
 
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Contains sexual abuse - Am I right to be triggered? (contains self harm)

I have a really cool roommate but we never talk about anything serious. In previous houseshares I've retreated to my room and found it hard to engage. Part of the reason I started seeing a therapist was so I could appear "normal" at home.

I've not been able to have sexual relationships due to the abuse I've suffered in the past. I'm trying to work through that in therapy just now. But my roommate never dated which made me feel like less of a freak.

At the weekend I got home early from work and came into the hallway to find her with a random guy. She was really embarrassed about it. Then I had to listen to them having sex in the next room.

I feel so triggered. I haven't been able to face her and have just been crying in my room ever since. I hadn't self harmed in years and now I've thrown all that away.

I normally see my therapist today but was unable to make the appointment so I have to wait until next week.

In some ways i think its logical to fear unsafe having a strange man in your apartment. Or to be uncomfortable hearing your friend having sex. But part of me just feels really pathetic

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Old 10-02-2015, 02:07 PM   #2
Snow White.
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It's a really difficult situation but I really want you to know your feelings are valid. Your feelings matter. It's not pathetic especially if it upsets you so much. And it's completely normal to feel uncomfortable overhearing sex, but I guess triggering is different so it might be worth bringing it up with your therapist and seeing what strategies they suggest.

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Old 10-02-2015, 07:10 PM   #3
Lindsey
 
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I mentioned to a friend who doesn't know about my history and she told me to use earplugs and explained my roommate is a grown woman who is entitled to do whatever she wants.

I think the reason this is hitting me so hard is because I considered disclosing my problems to her beforehand, thinking she'd maybe understand. Now it feels like, she might not understand why i'm so weird about sex if she's able to just go out and hook up with a random.

I told her I'm ill and have been hiding in my room.

I text my therapist and told her I'd slipped up and hurt myself. She has been very supportive and told me to try and be kind to myself over the next few days and we can discuss everything on Monday.

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Old 16-02-2015, 02:36 PM   #4
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I think it's completely normal. I struggled a lot to find all the good parts of having sexual relations appealing when I started to recover from what happened to me.
There was a point where I thought I found the perfect guy, but may be I'll never be able to allow myself to relax enough to do anything with him, or anyone else.
There were times with him when I would freeze or panic, or love him but feel horrible at the idea of any physical contact.
Finally there were times when I would finally start enjoying myself, and I would feel nausiated at myself for enjoying things. It was like my notion of sexual relations had been twisted around and everything connected to that made me feel sick. And quite honestly that took a long time to get over. It was like I couldn't seperate what happened to me (which was completely violent and very hard to mix) with having conscentual relations with someone I love deeply. In my head, it was all the same thing and it took a long time to seperate the ideas of rape, having sex, and making love. Long, long time.
Do understand your roomate though, she has no idea what is going on with you, so her reaction is normal. Share with her. She sounds like a great person that is just enjoying herself, she probably has no idea how triggering it is for you. May be if you let her know, she will be open to making some sort of compremise (like avoiding coming home with unknown to you men when you are in the apartment? at least for a while?). May be she will agree, or may be not, but at least she may understand why you are upset.

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