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Old 29-03-2015, 03:17 AM   #1
OrchestraSystem
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Contains abuse - DID + Internal abuse?

I wondered if other people with DID still experience abuse in the internal world(s)?

Our abuse was designed to keep us being hurt inside. Only it's worse than it was in real life because it wasn't allowed to be detected when we were still small. So every day and on special dates there's bad things that happen inside, internal versions of the abusers were created to carry this on and keep us the way they wanted.

I don't know if other people who have DID experience this or not. I wanted to find out if it's others too before I talk about it much.

I worry that because it doesn't happen in this world that it isn't valid.. I know I get hurt and I feel the affects of it when I'm out, so do the others. But it isn't like what others have because our body isn't being hurt now, but a lot of us alters are being hurt a lot and I don't know if people would see that as valid or not. We don't know if this is common in DID or not and we only know about one person who goes through this as well.

Maybe if we're less alone we'll feel more valid. Maybe we won't be so scared and ashamed of opening up. I'd hate for anyone to go through what we do, but I also hate feeling alone.

Thank you for listening. Maybe one day I'll open up about this properly.

M



.a DID system. there are so many.


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Old 29-03-2015, 11:11 AM   #2
Epicene
 
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Hi M,

I've only recently had DID explored as a diagnosis so I'm finding it a bit hard to talk about or know which words to use. But, what you described does echo some of my experiences. For example, there is a lot of hatred and self abuse towards one of my identities to another, and that makes it really hard to integrate or accept the abused identity. Like you though, the identity was one which experienced abuse in the 'real' world in the first place. So I guessone way of making sense of it is by acknowledging what really happened to that part of you and learning to be compassionate and gentle with all parts of yourself.

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Old 30-03-2015, 02:07 AM   #3
OrchestraSystem
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Thank you all for the advice and support you've given to M.

I'm not overly aware of the stuff that's going on in the other part(s) of the system with inner abuse etc, thankfully that isn't something we (the main part) experience. I know some of what happens to them but really my knowledge is pretty basic about the whole thing.

I know it can be very scary and dangerous for them to speak out about it, I think that's why they want to be sure of who they speak to about it first. There's currently only one other person who we know well enough to trust with that sort of thing and even they have somewhat limited info about it all. I know we're all fairly worried about the other system in case it all goes badly for them, or it could even have a big effect on us. But we also know that keeping quiet about it is going to be extremely difficult and not overly productive, I think possibly figuring out the safest way to go about it would be best, but I'm unsure how to figure that out.

We're currently out of therapy. The NHS told us that they'd help us with anxiety and depression but nothing more because it was out of their depth and they didn't have any training to be able to safely deal with us. We are debating going to our GP and asking for another referral to the NHS to see if anyone can see us long-term about DID and trauma, just one or the other isn't going to be enough. That's the hard part, we don't think anyone will be able to deal with both unless we get enough money to go privately.

Currently we're doing self-therapy, processing with journals and talking to our best friend a lot, other than that we don't have support really.

Thank you all again for responding. It's very much appreciate.

Elliot.



.a DID system. there are so many.


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