Contains sexual abuse - Video tapes
So I don't really know how to feel about this or if I'm even allowed to feel anything because its weird and I dunno nothing certain or whatever,sorry not making much sense i'll start from the beginning.
My mum rang me on sat night we were just having a general converstation about normal things and then she suddenly went oh yeah I've been meaning to speak to you about this for ages but their hasn't been a good moment or a moment when someone else isn't around but about 15 years ago when I was clearing out my mums (my nans) bedroom upstairs after she died and getting things that she wanted to take (her stepdad was still living there and is still there but he hasn't been upstairs since my nan died.) she said I came across some things that set alarm bells ringing.their were some videos and some books and the labelling wasn't right and I thought it was something to do with you and I wondered if you were safe when you used to stay there.
As you can imagine I didn;t even know what to say and didn't want to be hearing this at all.
I told her I was fine and I didn't remember anything which that part is true.
I asked her what she'd done with the videos and if she'd watched them and she said No and that she'd put them back because she didn't want to deal with it so actually they could still be there.
When I was 8 something happened with someone else (mum does not know this or anything else.) but nothing to do with my step grandad but that took until I was 11 years old to flood back into my memory-I am a master at blocking things out much to my hindrance sometimes.
But I have always know their is other things but I have no memories between the ages of 8-11 years old its just a big black space of nothing.
I'm just feeling really rattled and mixed up right now I'm telling myself don't be silly just let this go over your head,shes being paranoid etc etc but its just I don't know its I almost want her to go back and get them just to know either way but at the same time I don't I just don't know what to do with this.
We do see him at christmas and stuff but I haven't set foot inside that house since before my nan died (i loved my nan and it destroyed me when she died.) so mum n dad will pick him up and he'll come over for christmas or go out for meals occasionally for bdays etc.
I just don't know :(