RYL Forums


Forum Jump
Post New Thread  Reply
Old 16-09-2012, 07:08 AM   #1
Perrin
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: USA
I am currently:
Contains sexual abuse - Reaching out for the first time

I recently started having some flashbacks and dreams about what happened a long time ago. This is my first post, and I'm very nervous/anxious, but I don't know what else to do. I was sexually abused by my cousin when i was young, and to be honest I can't say when it started or when it ended. I know it had been ongoing at least up through when I was 13, as I remember certain occasions around my bar mitzvah. I don't know what to think at this point. It's had a much bigger impact on myself than I ever realized. I'm not comfortable with myself, i'm afraid of getting close to anybody, extremely afraid of judgement, and starting to realize that the abuse is probably one of the root causes for all my fears and anxieties. I've been in and out of depression, never far from it for as long as I can remember. I've also never told anyone about this until now. There's so much going on inside of my head now though. At times it feels like im reliving it all, to the point i almost expect it to happen again any day now, even though i know that it won't. I'm so ashamed of it, afraid of it. Even though I know the answers nothing, I can't stop wondering what I did to allow this to happen. Why me? What did I do to deserve it. So many questions. Every logical answer i've given myself just floats away in the wind. One of the worst parts is that I really enjoyed the attention. Does the mean I wanted it to happen? I'm not even sure what to think anymore. I just know that I can't keep it bottled up any longer. Sorry for the rant. Any advice on how to handle it would be greatly appreciated.

Perrin is offline   Reply With Quote
3 Hugs Given By :
Old 16-09-2012, 07:21 AM   #2
crazykat
Fight for another day
 
crazykat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Australia

I'm sorry you've had to go through that. Just because you enjoyed the attention doesn't mean you wanted it to happen, have a read of this article it explains more. You didn't deserve for it to happen and it's not your fault. Have you ever thought about getting some counselling for what happened?

As for the flashbacks and dreams, they can be horrible. Here is a great article on flashbacks and one on nightmares that you may find useful. Hope this helps. Take care
Kat xxx



"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."


crazykat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16-09-2012, 08:07 AM   #3
Perrin
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: USA
I am currently:

Thank you for the response.

I've thought a great deal on counselling. But i'm not entirely sure about it for a couple reasons. I don't know the deal with costs and such, and I'm not in a situation where I have extra money to spend. It also took me awhile to even be able to post here, and i highly doubt i could bring myself to say any of this out loud, let alone to anyone in person. Which leaves me in a predicament in terms of getting help. But, that's why i'm here, and I've already received some which, actually, feels good. Thank you for the links. They're actually very helpful.

Perrin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-10-2012, 09:53 AM   #4
crazykat
Fight for another day
 
crazykat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Australia

Sorry for the late reply, have only just seen your response. I can understand your concerns about going to counselling, they are all valid. I'm not sure about the cost side of things but perhaps that is something you could bring up with your local doctor, they may know of some free options.

It can be hard to say aloud that we are struggling which is why some people find it helpful to write down what they are feeling and then give it to the person. Glad to hear that you have found the links helpful. If you need anything else feel free to PM. Take care
Kat xxx



"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."


crazykat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2012, 06:34 PM   #5
BridgesAndBalloons
A Thimblesworth of Milky Moon
 
BridgesAndBalloons's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Kent

You were very brave to write so openly here. I'm sorry for all that you've been through, I think sometimes it's easy to underestimate the extent of the damage that abuse can cause, I think personally I underestimated the effects that the abuse I went through would have on my later life.

I think it's normal to ask questions, I personally believe that someone who abuses someone else does so because the opportunity to abuse presents itself, so it's less to do with the actual people involved or anything those people have done, but more to do with the fact that they have the chance to abuse someone.

Enjoying an aspect of something isn't the same as consenting to it, it doesn't mean you wanted it. Sometimes enjoyment is just a reaction, someone paying attention to you can be nice, and everyone needs attention, so enjoying that doesn't mean you wanted other aspects or consented to anything.

Sometimes you have to wait until the time is right to seek out therapy, talking about it on sites like this I've personally found can help to feel more comfortable with talking about abuse. I think that's because it's not face to face, you don't have to actually speak the words, so it can be easier on people to talk about things that are very difficult to talk about.





BridgesAndBalloons is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Members Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Censor is ON
Forum Jump


Sea Pink Aroma
All times are GMT +1. The time now is 11:39 AM.