this is going to be my first post. I really need the help. to start out, I'm Andy, I'm fairly young I guess, I'll be a freshman next year. anyways, last Thursday night I completely lost it, I was feeling empty yet angry at myself at the same time. so, for the first time in moths I cut myself, but this time I left more marks and acctually bleed. the next day at school sucked. my best friend wouldnt let me cover it up because he said it would make it worse, which it was. anyways, my friend Cameron saw and freaked out. he grabbed my wrist and kept asking me why I did it and telling me to stop and all that sh*t. I want to cut so bad but I know that it will solve nothing. I don't want to let my friends down either. I just feel so empty I need to make sure I can still feel things. the stuff with ice and snapping rubber bands doesn't work, I still feel empty afterwords. oh, and by the way, I get bullied at school. people call me an Emo fag and tell me to go kill myself all the time, I wear a lot of black and chains and that kindof stuff.
Keep listening to music because it gets you through everything. I promise.
- Mitch Lucker (1984 - 2012)
Hello, Andy and welcome to RYL :) There are a lot of other things you can try other than just ice and a rubber band. Sometimes I like to draw on my arms with a pen or marker, preferably red. Maybe since other things don't really help that might, or a conjunction of those things?
As for being bullied I'm sorry you have to go through that. No one deserves that. You are an amazing human being and you should always think of yourself as such. I know sometimes it's hard to put the harsh words of others out of your head, but just remember that most people put other people down so that they can feel better about themselves.
Be proud of yourself for going months. That's such a strong achievement and even though you slipped up it doesn't take that away from you. You should be proud of yourself for being able to do that. Your friends seem like they are just worried about you, so try not to let the things they say bother you or anything. They just don't want to see you hurting. I know sometimes it's hard to hear that from your friends because a lot of the time you feel like they just don't understand but try and understand that they care about you, and just don't want to see you hurt. I know that when people draw attention to it it can be very triggering, but just try not to let it get to you. They just want to help. Maybe next time you are really triggered you could call one of them up and try and talk to them to make yourself feel better?
Another thing that helps me sometimes when I'm feeling really triggered and the usual tricks to get me through it aren't working very well I go for a run. That way it's good for you, but your muscles get sore so it helps. I don't know if that will work for you (you might be in amazing shape so a run wont do anything, I'm not :P)
I hope that this has helped, and once again welcome to RYL I hope you find what you were looking for. There are a lot of really awesome people on this site that can really help. I'm not sure who it was that said this on here, but it has really stuck with me (I wish I could give them the credit they deserve but anyways) If you are reading this you are still breathing. If you are still breathing you are still fighting, and if you are still fighting you can win. Always remember to take everything a day at a time, and if a day seems to overwhelming just look at it this way. You made it through the past hour, you can make it through this current hour. And once you've done that think about the next one after that. Take everything one step at a time and you can beat this. You are strong.
Take care and stay safe :) Feel free to PM me if you ever need someone to talk to, and you can reply on this thread as well, I'll stop by and check on it from time to time :)
hay Andy
welcome to RYL i finished school last year and now live on campus at uni, so i can relate to how **** school can be. I have had friends who have freaked out and done immature things like that, but luckily 90% of the time they grow up.
the cuts you did recently did the require medical attention ???
do ur parents know about ur SH ?? if they do why don't u talk to them saying that the bullied at school and that is triggering u to SH, maybe u could get a transfer to a different school??
i hope this was helpful, feel free to PM me anytime ^_^
Some infinities are bigger than other infinities.
You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, old man, but you do have some say in who hurts you.
I am running the show. Everyone is waiting for me. I decide. I know this now.
thank you both for the excellent advice. one thing I do when I'm upset is listen to music, it helps a lot. anyways, I will try drawing on my wrist next time I get the urge to cut like you said.
no my parents don't know that I sh and I don't really want them to know. I think my mom would flip out and I have no idea what my stepdad would do. it's not just school that triggers it, I think that thinking of my brother Austin, whom I haven't seen in about 7 years, triggers it somewhat. also thinking of my biological dad deffinatly triggers it. he abused my mom when I was little and yelled at me a lot. I haven't seen him in 6 years.
my brother us turning 17 in November, the last time I saw him he was 9 or 10. I really miss him and wish I could see him but I can't because he lives with his mom in California. he's my halfbrother.
again thank you so much for the great advice :)
Keep listening to music because it gets you through everything. I promise.
- Mitch Lucker (1984 - 2012)
hay
do u have ur brother on Facebook as ur bother in america the time difference u could face time with him, that way u could at least have a chance to see him ( even though it may be through a screen) and maybe as he would have gone through the same experiences with ur dad u could talk to him about what is going on.
p.s a great way if anger or anything is causing u to be triggered try watching a gory sort of T.V show, one i like is a show called 'Being Human'-(the british version is better) is about a were wolf, ghost and vampire all living in the one house so naturally throughout the seasons there is a lot of blood shed.
Some infinities are bigger than other infinities.
You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, old man, but you do have some say in who hurts you.
I am running the show. Everyone is waiting for me. I decide. I know this now.
thank you for the advice Clair. I'm sorry to say I have no contact whatsoever with my brother. it is really hard since I looked up to him so much as a little kid.
anyways, the thing with the gory stuff is something I like. I usually watch sweeny todd because there is so much blood in it :)
on a lesser note, I cut again today :( I know I know I shouldn't have done it but some people had been callin me an emo and a fag and goth and throwing stuff at me and telling me to kill myself. it was a really hard day. I felt empty, like I usually do when I get a bad memory, and I had to make sure I could feel something, anything. one of my good friends is totally addicted to many drugs and smoking and he went completely blank one day. I don't want to do what he did so I make sure I can still feel. sometimes I'll also cut because of a really bad memory and try to get my mind off of it. another reason ive cut is becuase I was mad at myself. each time I cut I said something I hated about myself.
I have a problem :l
Last edited by the_unspoken : 10-09-2012 at 06:13 AM.
Keep listening to music because it gets you through everything. I promise.
- Mitch Lucker (1984 - 2012)
I don't mean to sound mean or anything but if you could take the tool out of that last post, a lot of people might find it triggering so there are rules so that you don't write anything that might make someone else triggered. I'm sure you didn't do it on purpose or anything, but sometimes it's better to just be a little vague with the hows and wheres and stuff. Thanks.
And I'm sorry that you don't have contact with your brother. That's really suck-tastic. And as for the bullies at school, don't let them get to you. Just try and push it out of your mind. As for just trying to make sure you can still feel something? I was at that point a while ago. I would feel blank and empty so I would harm to make sure I could still feel, but what I found out was that if you avoid cutting in those circumstances, eventually you can start to feel again, feel happy, (even sad) again. Just try to avoid it in those situations especially, or you'll just stay in the endless cycle. Keep strong and keep safe.
Hey Andy, I stumbled upon your post, and it reminded me of what I went through last year (I am a sophomore now) and as much as you feel like you need to do this, you don't. I know I wouldn't have listened to anything like that last year, but please consider alternatives. I never told a single person, and this isn't an easy secret to keep. I can't even wear short sleeves now, it's ****ing hot outside too. I don't think the scars will ever fade, you're early on, if you stop now, you might not have to deal with all this in the future, because it only gets worse if you go on. I don't want to have to deal with this anymore, but I have to. Just take this as a warning and maybe try not to do this anymore so you can enjoy the future.
awesome taste in music btw:)
"Love is not like anything, especially a fucking knife!"
- The Used
Hi Andy,
sorry to hear that you are going through so much stress and hard tomes. bullying is the worst thing about society but when i think of it, it can helps us to be stronger. i can help to make you know that you are able to get through hard times and make out of the other end a stronger person. when those people that call you names, or bully you, they will look back on their younger years and feel so stupid about themselves that they know they have hurt people they didnt even know.
ive had personal experiences with bullying as well and i know that it really sucks. trying to ignore all the name calling and words that make you feel down. the thing i try to do is think, are they really worth me hurting myself over? do they deserve to cause me more pain? they dont deserve it. fighting for you is the best thing you can do at these times. SH is not something you want to continue to do with these soughts of problems. i know from personal experience. but the goal is to keep your head held high, and show them that they can't affect you, even if it can. standing up for yourself is the best thing you can do. even if it is holding your head up high.
i hope that things start to turn around for you. times are hard but they will get better. stay strong and keep your head up high. you can fight them, and you can fight for yourself. if you want to talk or anything, you can pm me. be safe.
thank you guys for all the helpful posts.
i haven't cut recently and that's making me happy
an odd thing happens to me a couple days ago, the guys who usually bully me were at it again, growing things and saying stupid sh*t about the way I look. I had had enough so I pulled up my sleeve to show my cuts and said look what you f*cking did. they both just stared at me and one came over and gave me the biggest hug ever and said he was sorry. the other one said you really are emo and walked away laughing.
vey weird.
let's hope for the best that I can get through the rest of the week without cutting!
thanks again for the great advice!!!
Keep listening to music because it gets you through everything. I promise.
- Mitch Lucker (1984 - 2012)
congratulations for standing up for yourself. and also for not cutting yourself recently. the guy that hug you was really mature. i think that it may lessen the bullying which would also be good. keep storng and keep your head up and you will be able to get through the week cut free. you can do it.
i know from personal experience that billies may not know the full extent of what they r doing, i once when i was in year 3 i was jealous of a girl in my friendship group and so i was rougher with her and would do muck around punches that were really hard act, then she told me that her parents had, had enough of her getting bruises and would tell the principle and thats when i realised the damage i was doing and so i wrote her and her parents a note apologising
lets hope that boy can see what he actions where creating and stop !!!
Some infinities are bigger than other infinities.
You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, old man, but you do have some say in who hurts you.
I am running the show. Everyone is waiting for me. I decide. I know this now.
That's awesome that that guy apologized! You don't want to have to cut, it quickly becomes an addiction, and it's honestly not worth it in the end. I would have never been able to do what you did to those guys, that's awesome, some people have called me all that **** too before, but I never did anything about it.
It'd be cool to PM sometime, if you ever want to, you don't need to ask, just go ahead if you ever need someone to talk to.
"Love is not like anything, especially a fucking knife!"
- The Used
thank you guys for saying nice things!
the guy who gave me a hug didnt say anything today but the other one totally covered me in water while being a real d*ck so I guess what I did helped a little but still I'm getting pushed around a lot. I'm still trying really hat to stay strong but it's tough. I haven't cut in almost a week now :)
Keep listening to music because it gets you through everything. I promise.
- Mitch Lucker (1984 - 2012)
I'm glad to hear things are getting somewhat better, good job for going nearly a week! I know how hard it can be to resist, especially when so many people are assholes, just stay strong man, always remember you're not alone in this, and stay on the road to recovery. Once again, good job for making it almost a week :D
"Love is not like anything, especially a fucking knife!"
- The Used
