Relapsing (SH, suicide and Substance Abuse)

[Datura.]

Hey guys,
Most of you won't remember me, I was on this site a while ago,
I thought I was doing better but I'm not recently.
I've been taking drugs and getting black out drunk. I don't care anymore.
I've been SHing for the first time in 4 years and enjoying it.
I want to die, the only thing holding me back is my lovely mum.
I'm going down the rabbit hole and it's turning me on.
I'm fucked.
Please somebody talk to me.
I've just flushed my 'tool' down the loo but I'm itching to break out another one.
Please can someone understand.

[angel of despair]

Hey, your user name sounds familiar.

Im sorry your struggling at the moment. Well done on flushing your tool though thats a great first step! Is there anyone you can call to talk to? Or are you getting any help at the moment?

Feel free to pm if you need someone to talk to.

[Datura.]

Thank you,
I'm not really sure where my head is at the moment. I just want to self destruct, I have no aim in life and find nothing enjoyable. Every time I tell my doctor I just get my meds increased but she doesn't want to hear what's going on in my head. I can't sleep at all and now I'm dependent on sleeping tablets and everyone expects so much and I just want to curl up in a ball forever.
So I just get off my tits and do whatever.
Still haven't got another tool out but getting real anxiety from it
Sorry to rant it's just nobody knows this stuff now because I never told people when I moved away because I thought I'd gotten over it and now I'm scared and alone

[Sketchy]

Could you tell your doctor again? Maybe suggest you need to speak to someone. It sounds like you have a lot you want to say but no outlet to do so.
Well done on not using your tool. Is there anything that helps or has helped in the past to stop you self harming?

[angel of despair]

In my area you can self refer to certain therapies. Is that an option in your area? It could be something to think of doing if your GP wont refer you.

Im glad you still havnt got your tool out. Is there anyone you can call like a friend? When you have urges to sh?

[Datura.]

I'm supposed to be on the waiting list but it's been 6 months and I've not heard anything, I really feel like they don't care.

[angel of despair]

Urgh some of these waiting lists are redicoulous. Cam you go to the gp and get him to chase it up?

[Datura.]

I've booked an appointment for Tuesday and I'm hoping to be calm enough to tell her exactly how I'm doing, I might write it down because I tend to freak out and not talk

[angel of despair]

Writing it down sounds like a good idea. Hope the appointment goes ok.

[Sketchy]

Writing it down sounds like a good plan. Good luck with your appointment.

[Datura.]

Thank you both, it's tomorrow and I'm freaking out. I want to cancel it. I don't know what to do anymore.

[Buttons.]

I can appreciate how scary and frustrating these things can be and it can seem tempting to cancel appointments and so on, but if you do there's no potential for change from this shit. I agree writing it down is a good idea.

While you're stuck on this waiting list have you tried searching charitable counselling services in your area? Sometimes there are ones that you don't know about until you look-Google is always a winner :P but otherwise if you have a community centre they might have some ideas.

[Datura.]

Thank you for the support, I went in the end and told her how I was feeling. She's rationing my meds and chasing up the therapy. I may look into that I hadn't thought of that.
Feeling a little better now that I went, thank you.

[angel of despair]

In glad shes chasing up some support for you. Glad your feeling better.