I told a really good friend of mine about my self harm and she convinced me to tell a professional. I went to the walk in centre today and they referred me to a crisis team (I harmed before I went because I was struggling with anxiety about going which I feel pretty bad about). This is a HUGE step for me because before nobody at all knew about it, I hid it well no matter what.
I was also kind of lying to myself before, saying that it wasn't that bad, that it was no worse than what normal people do like drinking, smoking, body modification etc but I saw myself in the mirror this morning and all the scars, cuts, bruises and burns and I kind of just came to my senses. It's like seeing it from my friends point of view, how shocked she was just made me realize how bad it has gotten.
It was a strange feeling because before, it was almost like the blood running down my arm wasn't really my own but this morning I kind of felt a bit shocked to see what I was really doing to myself.
I got a bit upset finally admitting that I need help to a total stranger but hopefully this is the start of something good. I have an appointment with someone from CAHMS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) so errmmm
yeah hopefully I get things sorted. I just want to be healthy and happy.