The Borderline Personality Disorder Thread

[in_BPD_hell]

I know I sound paranoid but he has done in the past now he's staying up late online and then 'late home' most nights. His phone is constantly attached to him. He even takes it the toilet.

I'm struggling today - self harmed twice - feeling suicidal but Won't act. Pants!

[Doikers]

Good Morning My Threadlings , How are you all today ? *Squish*

[in_BPD_hell]

Morning! Xx

Hi guys

Does sound suspicious hun could U ask him

I'm ok stressed but keeping busy so I don't slip up

[in_BPD_hell]

I asked him last night n he said no he wouldn't do that to me (again) but I'm still not happy. I feel really bad today. Suicidal thoughts are so intense n distressing

Y R u duicidal

Iv just cut my mum n step dad out of my life Iv had enough

[Doikers]

*Hugs in_BPD_hell*

*Glomps Cheryl* Are you okay Hun?

Not really I'm not good enough for th n Iv enough I really want to cut


Plus everytime I open my mouth I seem to upset someone :(

Kill me now

[in_BPD_hell]

Aww sorry your having a tough time. What happened?!
I feel really sad a lot. I can't cope with life and feel overwhelmed so suicide seems a good option cos we all die at some point anyway

[fragile as glass]

My parents walked out of my life in march 2012. Their loss. Not mine. in BPD hell, there must be some people who would be devastated if you died. x

[in_BPD_hell]

There may well be.. But there not enduring what I am constantly

[fragile as glass]

maybe not but perhaps if you shift your focus to your blessings rather than your struggles you may feel differently.

[in_BPD_hell]

I don't have any blessings. My life is crap

[Kyaneos]

Can you walk? Do you have food to eat and a bed to sleep in and clothes to wear and clean water to drink?

I assume you have internet which is a blessing in itself.

[fragile as glass]

well said ^^

I hate myself and find my life hard and although my ability to walk is going (I now have a wheelchair which I sometimes have to use) I have my own place, some awesome pets and a fiancé I love. I have no family, not much money and poor health to name a few but its the positives that keep me from killing myself, that keep me going. Thats what I mean.

[in_BPD_hell]

Sorry

[Kyaneos]

No need to be sorry, just sometimes its hard to see how many blessings we truly have that we take for granted each day unless it is pointed out to us when we feel we have nothing.

[Bleeding Angel]

Sorry I have not been around, not been at mines for the last few days. First day back at work was a total disaster, pretty much spent most of the day in tears i couldn't cope with it and broke down a few times. I know people think its stupid or whatever and i can do my job as i've done it for over the last year. But perhaps because i've been away for a while and considering everything else thats been going on and how i feel, i just panicked badly. Pretty much took all of the beta blockers i could by midday but i don't know if they did anything at all. It wasn't just that, it was the fact as well we all changed shifts and teams and its tough, change is tough and trying to get into the place for 7am is tough. Not to mention when i did make it in apparently I'm not in a team or have a manager and speaking to three different managers to chase this up and getting the same rubbish response of we will chase this up and nothing. Then i get marked as being off sick in the afternoon when i was in the place and having an extra half an hour lunch just drags on. I just feel like im losing it and i dont know what im supposed to do, i know this is part of the whole bpd thing that when you feel things it feels 100 times worse and yeah it does it really does and i think i forgot that.

Its got to the point people notice im not myself but its hard to try and act fine when your not (plus its always nice to be upset around strangers who give you strange looks and blank you, least when people i knew sat near me i got told to cheer up, just not that easy tho). Believe me its not like i want to sit and cry all day at work and be upset, god no i dont want to be like that. But i cant control it, how i feel, the anxiety and then trying to think if i should be at work or not. I wanted to leave so badly earlier but if i leave i still need to come back and face it so either way i cant win but im too afraid to do anything because i dont want to be weak and give up but if i keep pushing myself i dont know what will happen.

And for the first time i actually self harmed in work because i was too upset and had to do something. I really dont know anything.

[Doikers]

Mari , That doesn't sound stupid at all *Hugs* Sorry I kinda have to ask if your injury requires treatment and are you keeping it clean?
I totally understand how you feel , I've broken down in front of people I don't know before :(

[Doikers]

How are my Threadlings today?