Triggering (SI) - Your First Cut!?

[flybat3]

My first cut was....sometime my freshman year of highschool. The summer before my freshman year i was molested so i wanted to find a way to deal with that without drugs. I don't know why i picked cutting. Its keeping me alive though......meh

[Defender Of The Faith]

My first cut was about 3 years ago. I can't really remember why I did it, but it seemed like a good way to cope at the time. It's not. I so, so wish I'd never done it, because now it's the only way I have to cope.

[helloclarice]

the first itme i self harmed was actually in 7th grade, 8 years ago... i just got upset in school one day and went to the bathroom and burned my wrist. the next time, the time it actually really started, was the next school year, when my bestfriend left me, and there was on day during a field trip to the zoo where she just completly ignored me, and i went to the bathroom and started scraping myself until i didn't want to cry anymore. i realized then that it's pretty much a nuetralizer for all emotions, that when i was going through something i didn't want to feel, i could just cut and it would go away, the deeper the better. the really sad thing is, that i can't cry anymore.

[Synthetisk]

I guess my first cut was when I was 11 or 12. Used some pen-thing, I can't remember why. It was more just scratching.

My first "proper" cut was three days after my dad nearly died, in January 2005. I was 14, my mum had gone off on holiday with her friends and I was left at home with my dad and my little brother. His pancreas burst. Since then he's never been the same, and I think his and my mothers anger and rage from right after that are what prompted me to keep doing it.

[fake-promises]

IT Lesson. School. 2004. My mates boyfriend was making fun of me, cant remember what he said, and my mate never stopped him so i kepy scratching my arms harder and harder and before i knew it i had scraped a long line of my skin off. I was SOO scared. My friend had tears in her eyes, i wanted to cry. I wish i can stop..

[rebel]

When I was 12 I saw a music video with self harm in it. I felt EXACTLY like the kid in the video. I got some (edited) but those were not sharp enough so I found a razor and just copied what I had seen.

That was the most I have ever bled and the worst cut! Since then Ive never done it that bad. it was accidental to go that deep and now I know how dangerous a razorblade is. :(

It sounds stupid copying a video but it did feel good and you all no what it feels like to be un-able to stop.

Good luck to all who are trying to give up self injury.

[Schleier von Dunst]

Mine was when I was 14. I'd been bullied all my life but it had got much worse in Upper school. I was struggling to cope with how I felt. I'd been wanting to hurt myself a long time before I eventually did it. My friends knew that I wanted to and kept all the sharp things away from me.

What eventually did it was the last day of year 9. We were in Science and had been given old razor blades to cut some pieces of wood for a project we were working on. My friends made sure I wasn't allowed anywhere near it. I got home that day and cut. That was the start of it all.

[Olive branch]

First cut: bruising wasn't working and it seemed like the next step. I was curious, sad and angry. I've never been the same.

[afraidtogetbackup]

i don't remember exactly why. I remember sitting there with a razor held on my wrist thinking i shouldn't do this, i don't want to this, stop, don't do this theresa. but i did it anyway. i think i was stressed out about having to write an essay plus finish other homework that was a major part of my grade. I think i was also lonely. I know that before the first cut i had scratched myself with something and it left a little mark.
I felt horrible afterwards and couldn't believe i would do something like that. especially considering that a few years before, in 7th grade, when i heard that there were people who cut themselves i was horrified. i couldn't even begin to understand why someone would deliberately harm themself.
It was the end of September 2008.

[hugs1tugs]

I don't remember why I first cut... I was just losing it one night when I was in 9th grade (probably in August 2006), shortly after my boyfriend told me that he cuts. My compass (the sharp kind for drawing circles in math) was sitting on my desk and when I saw it, I didn't even think twice. And like most of these posts, it just escalated from there and I'm still doing it.

Funny that I still can't look at a compass and think that it's for math.

[Cautiousoptimism]

I was bullied, if you can call it that, by two of my close friends at school. They acted lik my friends, but in big groups would constantly berate me and mak fun of me. They used to throw books at me in the library about divorce, and say "well we all know your parnts will be the first to do it", just for the sheer banter and reaction of others. Then it gradually got worse, until they would ask me why I was living, as I was useless, and worthless etc.

So i used to cry a lot. Then one day I cut myself with a knife whilst doing the dishes. Et voila.

[Piglet]

My first cut was February this year, i was 23. I don't remember much about it, it was only 10 months ago but it feel like forever. I did it because i didn't know how to deal with my fiance leaving and on top of coping with uni which was getting on top of me. I agree with everyone else it is very addictive, it was only a small cut but over the last few months it's gotten progressively worse.

[I am a cat]

I was 12 and in an art lesson I was using a stanley knife for my art work and used that....

Thats all I really remember, cant remember why or anything jsut remember that

I don't remember. I don't remember the first time I self-harmed, don't remember the next few times after that, or what was going on at the time. I only remember it already being a habit. I would have been 12/13.

I wish I did. It might help me understand.

[ihop23947]

I don't remember the exact date, but I remember the night. I had watched a youtube video. Someone I could really relate too, respected. I had never heard of self injury before that and I was at what I thought was the lowest point in my life with depression - so I did it. Since then I've stayed the same or gotten worse, but SI has helped me live to see another day so many times I couldn't begin to count. It's horrible, but at the same time it works.

In no way do I blame that person on youtube BTW!

I never imagined it would be so addictive or get so bad, I am still here though so I guess that is good.

[chickenpie]

I was 16 when I first hurt myself, and I'm not even sure why. I had started to feel abit low, and then one of my friends friends was always depressed, and I found out she cut herself. I remember believing it must help you feel better, or help others believe you feel bad, but thats not why I did it, i don't know why really.

That was scrathes with a maths compass, it never really bled properly, and hurt a lot. I did it for a while, then realised it was hurting my family and friends so I stopped. Then I started to hide it...

Pencil sharpener blades came next, and I got braver and did it on my wrists. Then came the razor blades...

I've done it off and on ever since. 8 years, I am now 24. It is addictive. I only did it occasonally, when things got too much, but for some reason, since this summer, its got out of control. Too deep, too bad.

I wish I never even heard about it, wish I had never ever tried it. It is so addictive, it hurts everyone and the scars NEVER go away, even when you cant see them.

Gemx x

[mmmMinty...]

the first time was when I was 13 going on 14...it was the 12th march 2007 I think right after a rehearsal for the school play which I felt was pretty much epitomising everything I felt. I told my mum the exact same night what I'd done after an ever so slightly heart-changing discussion with a friend. It seemed pretty obvious what I had to do but it was the hardest thing I've ever had to tell her. I promised never to do it again and it was 3 months before I did, because its that addicting even after the first time .

[Lilo]

I wasnt upset or angry or stressed

I was just calm and i remember i was watching tv and saw a razorblade on my dresser, picked it up and just scrapped it along my arm, so the first cut of mine was literally over nothing, then i started cutting everyday, then i started going deeper as things got worse and then it was all i thought about :/ i think it was September last year i started

But now im in that state of mind where i do anything to try stop myself from cutting

xxxxx

[001100111]

Cut, i was thirteen, I think.

Self harm, I think I was eight or nine.

Yes, there's a difference.

[fallen wings44]

it was few months atfer my 17th brithday