i dont really no why, at the time i thought it would be a good thing, maybe even a cool thing for me to do. i was soo wrong. i was just so done with everything. i thought i needed it. i regret starting.
now i want it to end.
Leave out all the Rest:
[Dreamer&Believer and netsirkylime are my bubbly amigos]
[shakespeare's strumpet is my big sis]
<3[absi is my girlfriend]<3
I wish I hadn't, I can't even remember the first cut byt now every cut is a fight - why did I go down this route, it doesn't even make sense. It scars me and hurts me afterwards and is such a stupid thing to do. Why?
My first was 2005 after my moms new boyfriend went home and my grandma died. It was around Christmas time, and I was just feeling too many variations of down and lost control. After I did it I didn't really view it as a bad thing, I didn't think it mattered. Even now I don't see it as a big deal if I'm taking things out on myself, as long as I'm not hurting anyone else...
December 2004 was my first cut and I had recently started feeling extremely anxious and depressed (though at the time I didn't know it) I needed something to ground me, I felt like a balloon that was floating away. They were little scratches.
Now I'm out of control, cutting through my muscles to bone and spending all my time either in inpatient and outpatient therapy or in the emergency room of the hospital being stitched/stapled up.
It's ridiculous, don't ever get into it.
I wish they could have made a diagnosis sooner, I might not be where I am right now. I have been diagnosed with BPD, OCD, GAD and PTSD but I guess at the time I wouldn't have had PTSD... But still I was a ticking time bomb.
Last edited by -Baobab : 23-02-2008 at 10:26 PM.
Reason: Wrong date.
It could be some sort of working martyr for my soul searching cause.
maybe march or april, 2005
i didnt know why... i made that stupid thing, that it changed my life... during... 3 years.... and counting...!
and it was 'coz i made a mistake... u.u
with a special friend for me... i was without control over me...
and i took a razorblade... and i cut my wrists... :/!... u.u
then it was my addiction u.u
"maybe, we're not together, but you're in my heart"
My first I cant remember the date or year. I just remember being so hurt and upset and confused about why I liked girls. It wasnt deep the first one cuz I was scared about it. but it got really infected
My first cut was in 2000/2001 - I was 15, still at school and really messed up about things generally.
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
My first cut was in my final year of uni and was when everything was so chaotic and changing in my life (although I was burning and injuring myself in other ways long before then).
I will always remember the expression on my best friend's face when I told her that I had to go to the hospital and she found out what I had done to myself - I'll never forget that face for as long as I live!
Thanks everyone for making sure your replies on this thread arent too competitive, graphic, or tip-sharing.
It was 2002 I think. I was in 7th grade and I had been down for a long time and was really hating myself. It was just a few shallow razor cuts at first. I didn't know anyone that did it, did not know anything about it.
"If you don't stand for something in your life, then you will fall for anything"
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
December 02 I was 13 in Yr 8
Friends abandoned me.. Felt liek rubbish.. Bullied.. etc..
Me and my friend both did it... came in the next day and she showed everyone.. I didn't.. I guess it became habit around Yr 9 time when I had no one at all.
The world is just illusion always trying to change me.
You will find wonder wherever you can, and spread joy whenever you are able.
I felt emotions of gentleness and pleasure, that had long appeared dead, divide within me. - Frankenstein.
I think my first time was october 2006 and I only did it because I saw someone else do it and wondered what it would feel like. But then everytime after that I just did it because I enjoyed the feel of it. I stopped for months then something happened to a friend of mine and I just had the urge to do it again.
A smile is the best way to deal with difficult situations. Even if it's a fake one. Used properly, you can fool anyone with them - Sai
I know what you mean, it's really scary, one day realsing you don't even know yourself at all, that's how I feel now. Like evrything you ever worked towards and loved in life suddenly doesn't seem like it's you anymore..
My first time was 4 years ago when I was 10, I was filled with such hate I lost it and cut my arm over and over with scissors infront of my whole class just to get back at them for all the stuff they'd done to me. I guess I didn't realise it would turn into an addiction, I completly regret it. But in a way somehow it feels like it's made me the person I am, more understanding, does anyone else fel like that?
'Be yourself, don't take **** from anyone and never let them take you alive' - Gerard Way
My first cut was with staples in grade 6. I was ten or eleven. I had had a normal, depressing day, and although I don't know where I'd heard about cutting before, I knew about it. I picked up the staples because I was so mad and pissed at myself. One cut was all it took to start everything.
I'd like to offer moral support, but I have questionable morals.
Johnny(the hommicidal maniac ^^^)
You think that if you stopped doing something that defined you as a person, that maybe, you cease to be that person?
Oh wow, I was like 10 or 11 when I started cutting. I was depressed cause my family had uprooted me to a different part of the state, and I was afraid I wouldn't make friends. It just stuck, and so I've been addicted ever since.
I think , 17/June/2005.
This is the time i was aware of it and knowing what SI is , but i don't know if i have hurt myself before this , I was having my final exams at the high school , of course feeling so stressed , add to that i wasn't feeling well at all , my sis was such a pain in the ass , fighting with me all day long screaming and yelling at me , I hate to hurt people so hurt myself , but i didn't pay attention while i was cutting something with the knife so i hurt myself , and after while i started to feel the pain and the relief so i hurt myself over and over after that , it wasn't really deep but it got deep after that *sigh*
Take care x
A little angel fell into my arms at the 7th of december 2010