Live Help

Forum Jump
Post New Thread  Reply
Old 23-08-2016, 04:20 PM   #1
Join Date: Aug 2016
Old bondage kink causing depression, please help

Hey there, im new to this and need help. This is my first post like this so sorry if its in the wrong place I just need advice.

When I was younger I had a fascination with bondage, not practicing, after a friend introduced me to a web comic based on the lifestyle and would watch non-sexual videos based around the acts. Unlike some people I have seen on some forums I have had no history of abuse against me and no reasoning as to why it became *appealing*. I havn't had an easy life, I havnt seen my father since I was 6, my mum has been an alcoholic since before I can remember and I was bullied since I started school till the age of 18. After a while I stopped as I began to feel that there was something wrong and began to become depressed with what I had been doing.

I honestly don't know why I was interested or why I turned to it, it seemed to help with my feelings of loneliness but it sounds silly now, It has made me feel further from others now.

It has been years since I have gone anywhere near it and have entered into a relationship with an amazing woman. As I wish to spend my life with her I have told her everything in my past, including my bouts with depression and these events. Its now something that has come between us due to the fact I cannot explain it. She has been as understanding as anyone could be but it is difficult as I cannot understand the reasons behind it in the first place.

I need to understand if anyone else has had the same or similar experiences. I need to understand whats happened in my brain that I am missing that lead to this. I need help from anyone willing to offer it, what possible reasons could be behind my initial interest. I am never returning to it but if I don't understand it I could lose the best thing thats ever happened to me.

Anon0905 is offline   Reply With Quote
One Hug Given By:
Old 31-08-2016, 04:04 PM   #2
Margo's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2006
I am currently:

Hello and welcome.

Firstly there doesn't need to be a reason per se as to why you might like something like that. Many people enjoy it and are healthy mentally and many enjoy it who have illness too.

For some who have an abused past it can be used by some to regain the control they feel they lost. For others it may be different.

The scene is complex and usually has rules. Many people who are into bondage have incredibly strong and close relationships.

For it to work both parties have to be conscenting.

I don't understand why it is coming between you when you no longer are into it?

The only problem I foresee is when one partner wants it and the other doesn't and full conscent isn't given.

~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P
Bitter Angel is my Mitten
Animad is my Top Trump
All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P

Margo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2016, 11:48 AM   #3
Isoverity's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2004
I am currently:

You've had a lot of disappointment and provocation in your life. That usually breeds resentment (towards parents and automatically towards self).

Resentment and anger breed guilt and anxiety. People can be attracted to punishment as a way to compensate for guilts (SI is similar). Another way to compensate is to take angers out on others so abusing others can also become appealing. These things can easily take on a sexual aspect.

Anger/violence and lust go hand in hand. Love/hate relationships are unbalanced. There is a degree of addiction involved. People can crave the object of their desires in an unhealthy way, and also resent the person for the control they have over them. Violence offers a (false) relief. Men who abuse/rape women are often trying to animalistically rise above the power a woman can have over him via his exaggerated need.

I'll add that kids who are degraded young often get sexual impulses too young and that leads to all sorts of bad places. With a father who left you and a mother who drank I'm sure you've had a lot of emotional issues forced upon you. If you saw certain abusive imagery and felt an instant fixation to it that's usually a trauma identity being drawn to elements that will sustain it. You've taken on impulses and actions that don't actually stem from you in any organic way

Last edited by Isoverity : 01-09-2016 at 12:00 PM.

"Not all those who wander are lost" Tolkien

Isoverity is offline   Reply With Quote

Currently Active Members Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Censor is ON
Forum Jump

All times are GMT +1. The time now is 10:27 PM.

Back to top