Hello Guys! This is quite a long post...But please could you take the time to check it out and offer some advice. Thanks in advance
Last year I did a general degree. This year I did another degree. This year I have found myself studying a very expensive marketing degree at a small private varsity. I am really not enjoying it but feel guilty toward the expense. I also see the practical goodness that comes from a solid marketing degree over a general humanities degree. However, the environment of the marketing degree is just not for me.
The people that I have encountered in the degree, and work regularly with on projects, are from a completely different culture to my own. Often I feel like I say one thing and a complete other thing is heard. In group work the goals and ideals rarely match up. I'm finding this cultural barrier very overwhelming and isolating. I find myself stressed out from having to constantly interact with what feels like Aliens (Figurative Aliens). The degree that I switched to is challenging at points that I enjoyed. The sense of purpose in having to work hard is gratifying, but I don't think that changes the fact that I actually don't enjoy the experience.
I don't actually know what I want to do but returning to the 2nd year of my 1st degree will give me an opportunity to experience a broader spectrum of people. Since it is a general humanities degree I feel like I can explore more of the world. Last year I feel like I took my time for granted, I should have joined more clubs and been more open to interacting with others.
I suffer from anxiety and depression… I am mistrusting of others but I feel like I will have a better chance of healing if I am in a less stressful environment with less stressful people. I'm scared that I'm basing my decision on fleeting feelings. I feel horrible that I wasted my mothers money over this year. It is so difficult to admit I made a mistake and back-track, but it might be even more scary to continue forward. But it is also easier to avoid change and live with the junk. I just don't know if my feelings are justified. I worry that my impatience is getting the best of me, but I think that a healthier environment would be better for me. I honestly feel like I need a calm place to cultivate patience and enjoyment of the now…
I just really need some advice & perspective. Are my feelings toward the situation justified and I should go ahead and return to my 1st degree. Or should I stick this current degree out and have a solid & useful marketing qualification? Am I letting my emotions guide my decision too much or too little. I don't know if I could continue to sacrifice myself for a future that I don't even know exists. I quite confused and could use some guidance... Thanks people