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Old 17-11-2010, 04:27 AM   #1
Terray
The price of death is life.
 
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Oregon, US
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My dad has cancer

(My mom sent me a text that said "Your dads birthday is friday. He said he has cancer of the liver. That's all I know." My mom doesn't understand that there are some things you shouldn't text...)
I've never been close with him. He hasn't called me once since I've been at university (this is my third year). I don't remember the last time he called, it's been years and years. I've never seen him sober (other than for court). He was abusive when I did live with him.
He thinks I hate him. But, I don't hate him.

I mean, yeah I think he was a really shitty father. I don't like who he is or the things he does. Nevertheless, he is my biological dad.

He's not going to make an effort to talk to me, so I'd have to make the effort to try to talk to him.

I just don't even know how to go about starting a conversation with him. I don't even have his phone number at this point.




Sometimes, you have to try more than once.

Alice came to a fork in the road
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
"Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat.
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "It doesn't matter."


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Old 17-11-2010, 05:10 AM   #2
over the rainbow
 
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Im so sorry to hear about you dad. If you ever want to talk, im around.
take care. love and hugs

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Old 17-11-2010, 08:15 AM   #3
Too Shy
 
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Can you ask your mum for his number, or even an e-mail address or something if that would be easier?

I'm sorry to hear about your dad - no matter how close you are, it is still a horrible thing to hear, and it's ok to feel sad, angry, confused, however you feel at the moment.

I hope you're ok, x










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Old 17-11-2010, 11:04 PM   #4
Terray
The price of death is life.
 
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Location: Oregon, US
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I guess it's not even so much that he has cancer. That's not really a new feeling. My mom has it. I've had many people in my family die from it.

It's that he thinks I hate him, and reality is, he's not doing well physically. At one point I wanted a relationship with him, but now I just want him to know that I don't hate him.

I can get his number from my mom (he doesn't own a computer, so email him :\). I just don't know how to go about starting that conversation with him. Or if I even really should?




Sometimes, you have to try more than once.

Alice came to a fork in the road
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
"Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat.
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "It doesn't matter."


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Old 17-11-2010, 11:19 PM   #5
Coffeemate
 
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Wow. I'm so sorry to hear that. I know you say your relationship is, well, complicated, but still, it's a massive blow.

You say you don't necessarily want a relationship with him, but when you say you want him to know you don't hate him, it kinda seems like there's stuff you want to get off your chest? How about a letter? It means the pressures off, you can take the time to check the content and think about what you want to say, make sure it comes across well etc, but also, it means he has the return address so the possibility of a dialogue is there. And if he doesn't reply, you've still said what you needed to say?

~x~

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