I want you to come get me and hold me and say that you know its shit now but that it can get better and that you will sort everything out for me because dads are knights in shining armour. I want you to love me.
You were, genuinely, my first love. I didn't believe I had the capacity to love someone that deeply until you came along. Curled up in bed with you, you were my safe place after a time when I didn't think I'd ever feel safe again.
Turns out I also have the capacity to hate someone deeper than I ever realised. I feel so betrayed by you. The lies you spread about me... for what purpose? To make yourself feel better, to save face? Or because you really hate me and want to make my life harder? Or, dare I dream it, because you're hurting too?
You made no secret of the fact that you had a crush on her, while we were still in a relationship. YOU didn't want ME any more. This was your choice, live with it. Yes, I dealt with it by jumping straight into another relationship, because I honestly don't think I can hold my shit together on my own. So maybe that hurt you. But you didn't want me any more, so you are not allowed to hold this relationship against me. And now you're pursuing her - so how does that give you any of the moral high ground? We're both as bad as each other.
But through all of this I have tried to be diplomatic. I have only spoken ill of you when I found out what you've been saying about me. To tell your friends that I'm a psycho and that I've been harassing you? Because I make conversation with you, because I tried to contact you about your stuff you wanted to collect? You said you wanted to stay friends. Friends communicate.
Still. More fool me for trusting anyone but myself. Thank you, for showing me the capacity I have for love-hurt-hate-anger-happiness. Thank you, for proving to me that relying on other people just comes back to bite me in the ass. Thank you, for nothing, asshole.
it's the choices we make.
"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"CATS," he said eventually. "Cats are nice."
I love you and I want nothing more than to make you happy. I live for your smile and she treats you like dirt. Why do you stay with her? You told me you don't love her, so why?
Keep thy eye on the tach and thine ears on the engine lest thy whirlybits seek communion with the sun. John 4:55
Most motorcycle problems are caused by the nut that connects the handlebars to the saddle.
Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul
The following content has been hidden - Reason : Gets kinda sexually explicit, and talks about SH
great. now i'm going to have a terrible scar on my ankle. My ankle. Well thought out, brandie, it's been almost 6 months since the last one like this and the scar is still an angry red. but at least that was somewhere not so obvious! And thanks to your sock pretty sure you infected your other cut, so that's probably going to be an angry red scar forever too. Do you know what your mother is going to do when she finds out? I don't, but I know you're not going to like it, and it's going to make you wanna die.
I just wanna close it up...i hate that it's gaping open like that, how do I close it up when it's not gaping open enough for my little band-aids to make a difference? stop That's probably why j hates you, he saw. he saw that you lied when you said "used to be" and got fucking pissed...
i know that's not the truth, i know it was because I bled on him...but that's not my fault. :( if anything, it's his.
Brandie, you are a failure. You are failing at everything that is important to you. How can you do this? Right now even, you're failing. How are you going to live tomorrow? You're going to see C, and you're going to be falling asleep.
yeah, guess what j, I WAS GETTING FUCKING BORED TOO. I GOT GODDAMN BORED FIRST. I just actually have a heart, and kept telling myself I could spice things up, cause i didn't want to leave you for something as pathetic as that. :P so FUCK YOU.
I hope I don't have Cancer....if I have cancer...well at least it'll be a tragic, interesting story. So if I do have cancer, I'm just going to spend the rest of my life telling my story.
And if it's just another STD, I will take GREAT pleasure in telling you that you have a fucking STD. Part of me hopes it's not an easily cured one, because that would mean you'd have to live with it, but....of course I'm hoping for chlamydia or gonorrhea, because that means I can just take some pills or something and it'll die. :P
And maybe it'll be nothing, but that doesn't solve my bleeding problem..unless it was just your stupid prince albert that caused it...oohhh if it was I SO want to kick you in the balls.....SO badly.
Whatever it is, you can get through it. I promise.
For Christ's sake, pull yourself together. There is nothing that hard about smiling, yet still you're too pathetic to even do that. I was wrong, I desperately need support. *cries*
I can't stop crying. I just want to stop now. I've had enough. I hate college, every day I go I just feel more and more unhappy. I hate that I've lost explorers, the one place I would always get support won't be there and I don't even have the guts to say goodbye. I am so scared she is going to die, she's so frail and helpless. I'm loosing CCF cause I'm too pathetic to carry on without my boyfriend. How sad. I am scared I will lose him. I love him, so much, he doesn't understand. If he died, it'd be ok for him, he wouldn't have to face the consequences, but I would. And that scares me. Life without him scares me. Recently everything has just got too much for me, and all I can do is cry.
I miss you guys so much. Even if you never try to contact me I know that I'll never be able to let you go, despite how much you may hate me..
I just wish I could tell you how much I miss you, and ask you how you're doing.
