I'm sorry, I never recovered.
I pretended just so I could go to university and escape this town & become independent.
Just because I gained a bit of weight doesn't mean I'm "healthy" or "recovered.
In fact, I'm purging loads at the moment, even had many, many episodes of binging&purging in the past year, and I just feel so damn guilty whilst you're sat there unaware & oblivious thinking I conquered it all.
I hope you never find out as I don't want to hurt you.
I just want to tell you...
I'm on meds. I'm seeing a psych.
I'm getting help.
Because, whether you want to see it or not.
I'm falling apart and I can't keep myself safe anymore.
I just...I wish you understood.
i pretend to not
i go to work and keep my mind busy busy
but when i get a moment to myself i think
and i know
i still ache for you
and would give anything for it to be the way it used to be
when i could email or text you whenever and you'd say beautiful things
and id feel safe
i know im better without that type of friendship
and im getting better right now
but thinking of you makes me hurt and its been a year now
i know i will never find someone like you again
i still havent let go of what we were what happened and what we are now
The greatest degree of inner tranquility comes from the development of love and compassion. The more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being
There are remarkable things all the time, right in front of us,
but our eyes have like the clouds over the sun
and our lives are paler and poorer if we do not
see them for what they are. If nobody speaks of
remarkable things, how can they be called remarkable?"
here is what you don't know...i feel like cutting after a month of being free. i just want to hurt myself. i came so close to jumping off the flat today. i'm sorry. i thought i recovered. i need to talk to someone but there's noone to talk to.
I wish he could see how much he has and is hurting me.
I love you and you know it, you just don't understand how much it hurts to love you when you don't have any feeling for me, you wouldn't care if i was gone tomorrow, that hurts. i hurt. i wish you'd see
♪The miles are getting longer it seems, the closer i get to you ♪
For now you will pay the price for your betrayal!
You look upon on me like I was something off of your shoe
But it is me who is looking up and smiling
Soon your just desserts will arrive
And they will taste as sour as the person you have become
Watch it all crash and burn
As I watch and laugh as it drags you asunder! :D