I hate how I can't open up to you anymore, to anyone anymore.
I hate how you can't confide in me because I can't confide in you.
I hate how my self esteem is nonexistent, yet my pride gets in the way of everything.
I hate how you have nobody to turn to anymore.
As Chuck Palahniuk wrote, "Whenyou don't share your problems, you resent hearing the problems of other people".
"Death is not the greatest of evils; it is worse to want to die, and not be able to."- Sophocles
I love you. Yes, I know you'll never love me back. Your a girl, and I'm a girl, and you like guys...But even if you were like me, i know theirs no way you'd ever be into me...I'm ugly, and I'm desgustion....I hate myself thouroughly...
But I can truthfully say that I love you more then I've ever loved anyone else that isn't family....
You're the only one that makes me feel like I'm worth something.
"Hate can't drive out hate. Only love can do that."
-Martin Luther King Jr.-
i can't lie to myself. i don't think he really loves me. i don't think i'm more than something to pass time. i don't think he'll put up with me much more. i don't think he'd be with me if i wasn't sleeping with him.
i can't believe i let this happen again. i can't believe i've let myself fall in love again. i can't believe i want to hurt myself even more.
How could you say OCD isn't real
I've been living with it for about six years now
I've wanted to die
I've cut myself
I use to constantly take sleeping pills just so I wouldn't have to deal with it
And now you're trying to tell me it's not real
I love you. You're so perfect. I know you're not for me, but you're still perfect. I love you so much....More than i say I do. I know I constantly depend on you to help me, and thank you so much for always being there....I don't know why I can't deal with it all on my own. I feel like there's so much going on in my head sometimes, that it might explode. But you're always good. You always help me. At first I was skeptical, at first I suspected it was because you wanted to be good, not because you actually cared. But now I know you care. You're the sweetest person ever. I wish you were for me, I wish you liked me like that. I love you so much.....Thank you for being my friend. I might have killed myself if you hadn't been. I love you.
Whatever it is, you can get through it. I promise.
Strange really isn't it? How we ended up like this? So much, so many secrets, so many truths, for so long? Yet now, nothing. I don't love you, I don't even know you, but I do miss someone knowing me like you did. Strange how when I see you I can feel nothing and know that I may never be allowed to feel anything either. I still hope, that if stuff got really bad we could be there for each other. But I know that would never be allowed. Also, I don't even have your number anymore. Mmmm.... how times change...
i wish i could go back in time more than anything.
i wish i could see your face again.
i wish i could fix things.
i don't know what.
i wish so much.
i wish someone could.
i think i fucked everything up.
i think i won't ever get my heart back.
i think all this pain will never ever go away.
i think all these memories will go on haunting me.
I just don't get it mom. He cheated on you when you first got together, but you forgave him because he was drunk and "VERY" sorry. He slowly destroys every house we've lived in because of drunken rages, but you forgive him because in the morning he's "VERY" sorry. He has screamed at us and been emotionally abusive to both of us but you forgive him and keep telling me you don't need my comments on the matter. Apparently even though I have to put up with it I have no say in the matter. He hasn't been talking with you for a few weeks and when his phone rang you found a text from a girl and continued to read through his texts and found several texts from other girls. He hasn't been coming home until the early morning after work and not calling you. You think he' been cheating on you again and I suspect that although you stormed out of the house to go for drive you will forgive him...because he's "been through soo much in his life, you couldn't even imagine the awful things that happened to him as a kid!"
I know that this fight will probably end much like the others, but I don't want it to. I want you to finally realise that he isn't going to change and finally leave him because the tension in our family because of him is tearing us apart. How could you still love him after everything he's done to you...to us. I hardly think of him as a person anymore, at most he's an angry stranger living in our home. Why can't you see him for what he really is?! I wouldn't have put up with it, I would have left him from that first time he cheated in the very beginning.
"Some people get by, with a little understanding. Some people get by, with a whole lot more."
Eckhart saw Hell too. He said: The only thing that burns in Hell is the part of you that won't let go of life, your memories, your attachments. They burn them all away. But they're not punishing you, he said. They're freeing your soul. So, if you're frightened of dying and... and you're holding on, you'll see devils tearing your life away. But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth.