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Old 30-09-2015, 02:45 AM   #1
TEAPARTY
please ignore me
 
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Join Date: Jun 2011
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frightened

I've come to this forum after a few years of not needing it because I have nowhere else, this is the only place on the internet I can post and feel anonymous and safe.
I feel like people are watching my every move online, talking about me behind my back, laughing at me. I've deleted myself from all forms of social media, I want to delete myself as a person but that doesn't really keep me safe does it?
I'm just so afraid of people finding me, finding my address, hacking my computer, watching me.
I live with the acceptance that I'm being followed in every move I take and live with the assumption that someone is watching me through my webcam.
I was formerly diagnosed with BPD, however after successful DBT treatment I no longer fit the diagnosis - something I was initially very proud of.
But now I'm wondering, was it ever the right diagnosis?
I feel like paranoid personality disorder is far more apt, but am not a fan of self-diagnosis.
I was discharged from CMHT after 7 years of continuous input, I was so happy to leave them because they bore me and I no longer feel I need their input.
Only 6 weeks later after discharge I've been referred back, three different people asked if they could refer me in one week! I don't understand I really don't, I'm not harming myself or anyone else. It freaks me out that something is so apparent to other people but not myself? It feels so out of control and I really don't like it.
I feel very lost, very unsettled and very destructive despite not acting on it. I've been quite well for the past year or so, but a few months back I had a blip like this and ended up sectioned briefly, its difficult knowing what to do.

Does anyone have any advice? Literally anything would be appreciated.



"If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary-wise; what it is it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?" - Alice, Alice in Wonderland



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Old 30-09-2015, 02:30 PM   #2
Patent Pending
★ Katie ★
 
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Hi there,

Sorry to hear you're feeling so distressed right now. it sounds like you're having a lot of scary thoughts.

I know it can seem disheartening when you are referred back after a short time of being discharged but it sounds like right now you might not be the best person to see how things are for you, so it might be worth to trust other people's judgement on that. Having some extra support right now might be helpful.

Can I ask what has made you think you're being hacked/followed online etc? Sometimes thoughts can get the better of us as we link things that actually have no connection. It helps to think about concrete reasons for these feelings. What has happened to make you believe these things?

I hope your MH team are able to support you.

x x x



It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...


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