Hi Eve,
I've been in the position of other people seeing improvements in me that I didn't see/feel myself. While it is really frustrating, I think it is pretty common for someone to start improving a while before the feeling of improvement kicks in. Try to trust the staff and hang in there.
As for ideas of how to handle feeling down, the options are endless. What works for one person won't necessarily work for someone else, but there is something that will work for everyone. When finding the things that help me, I first think about what things I enjoy, and what things I feel comforted by. Once I have a list of those, I can usually adapt some into coping skills.
One thing I would try to remember is that things that help don't always help "enough" in that they don't make you feel 100% better. The can help "enough" in that they make the feelings manageable. You're going to feel down sometimes, thats normal. Being a robot really isn't the goal. The goal is to make the painful feelings tolerable and shorter-lived.
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