Is this behaviour of a bully?

shakey1961 · 23-08-2015, 03:53 AM

Hi everyone.

At some point soon I would like to post more fully about a situation I'm in, but for now, is it possible I could find an answer to the question below as I am unable to find anything searching the internet. I will try to keep everything anonymous.

I am a member of a group, and this group has a leader who is important. I suspect there is a bully within the group.

The suspected bully is a retired manager of a large company. He appears to try to "suck-up" to the leader of the group and come up with "good ideas". When they talk in our meetings I always find they are huddled in a corner together.

Is this one of the behaviours of an adult bully?

Thank you for you replies.

Enthused · 23-08-2015, 07:30 AM

I wouldn't say bully, more like a brown noser.

Pi.R^2 · 23-08-2015, 09:55 AM

I agree with Enthused.

Who do you think this person is bullying and what part of his behaviour do you think is hurting the victim?

shakey1961 · 23-08-2015, 11:55 AM

He appears to be bullying me.

Perhaps I can now explain a bit more. The group I am in is a music group and when we break for tea it is then this person will get the leader to one side, away from the rest of us and start talking about ideas.

Early on I informed him there was a slight mistake in the website and his reply was quite abusive.

We wanted a corporate identity and he approached a design company all without the committee's knowledge. This design (the only one infact) was presented to us. When I asked him before the presentation if we were going to vote on this he told me there would be no vote, this is what IS going to happen.

I was involved in producing and designing but have had this taken off me and given to the design company. The designing and production I did for free, this is now costing us in the past year over £1000!

Only the other day he asked me, over the phone so no evidence, if I would go back to producing the programmes as before and the design company provide front and back cover artwork. I then asked for my job description to be decided. Our chairman contacted this guy and was told that I had got it wrong and that I was "compiling" as before, which was not what was said. I then get another call from the "bully" to say he'd had a rethink and it would probably be best if he sorted the programme as it would be less complicated, but how co-incidental he called me only after he'd been contacted by the chairman. The "bully" twists things to suit himself.

Is nepotism a trait of a bully?

Unbreakable. · 23-08-2015, 06:14 PM

Why is it important to you if other people consider it bullying?

I think whether or not one considers it bullying it is obviously something causing you distress. Do you have any healthy ways of dealing with the this?

Maybe you can talk to other members of the group to see what they think.

shakey1961 · 23-08-2015, 07:59 PM

I have never had any experience of bullying in a group or workplace bullying, so I'm seeking opinions of others. I don't want to be find fault or find a trait in someone that isn't bullying if I consider it is.

I'd hate to accuse someone of being a bully unless I was sure.

Unbreakable. · 23-08-2015, 08:07 PM

I wouldn't consider it bullying, but that doesn't make it okay.
There are lots of non legit behaviors that aren't bullying.

Talking to others who are involved in the situation might provide you with better feedback on the situation.

Pi.R^2 · 25-08-2015, 12:02 PM

I agree with Lana (Alpha Bitch Reloaded) that it doesn't sound like bullying, but this guy does sound like a pain in the arse.

The stuff about approaching the design company sounds like an issue for the committee to deal with- if they have an issue with him doing stuff without asking them then they can have a word with him.

If his inconsistent instructions about the programme are bothering you, maybe think about whether it might be more hassle than it's worth and if so, just step down from your involvement in it and let him have to do it all by himself.

Iamcatbug · 25-08-2015, 05:14 PM

I have to agree with the above, controlling yes, bullying not so much.
But this is obviously an issue for you, are there any other members you could talk to about it?

shakey1961 · 25-08-2015, 11:01 PM

I have now stepped down from my role. I can't work with the guy.

Other people are aware of the problems but seem powerless to do something at present.

I would say the situation is being monitored by others though.

Thanks for all you comments.