Triggering (SI/Suicide) - needing support

huggybear · 20-04-2008, 07:53 PM

I really need some support right now.. i cant keep going anymore.. i cant sleep i cant eat i shake constantly.. i have thoughts of self harm and suicide constantly and nothing i am doing is helping.. ive tried talking to my friends which is great for a time but i come home and sit on my own and end up back at square one i just cant do this anymore.. i cant bear it.. i want it too end.. all of it!
i hurt and cant take it anymore.. i cant pressure my friends its not fair on them.. but i cant do this either.. i dont want to live like this anymore.. i want to go to sleep and never wake up.
im hurting so much i want it to go away!!!

i dont know what im hoping from posting here.. i just need some support.. some encouragement to keep fighting this.. because i want to give up.

Stellata · 20-04-2008, 08:07 PM

It's hard right now, but you can get through this, with help.

What would you say the most troublesome symptom is - is it anxiety? Do you know where the anxiety and precariousness comes from?

((holds you gently))

huggybear · 20-04-2008, 08:18 PM

its got to be anxiety.. i am anxious about everything.. i hate being alone i hate being surrounded by people.. i want to end it.. i dont want to have to live with it anymore its too hard.. i dont know where it comes from there is so much.. i am not calm about anything.. im hiding it from everyone.. very few people know and i cant talk to them tonight i have spent all weekend with them and they are too tired it would be unfair to call them..
i just cant take it anymore..

Stellata · 20-04-2008, 08:22 PM

I understand totally what it's like to live with that kind of anxiety. It really can be draining and harsh on you.
You don't have to hide it from us. It's ok here. We understand.

You say that there's so much, you don't know where it comes from. It might help to start to list the possible sources. I know that I find that kind of exploration helpful when I feel totally overwhelmed. It helps me start to see the wood for the trees, as it were.

huggybear · 20-04-2008, 08:28 PM

its from so much tho.. coz ive been open about it lately.. thats triggered it bad.. because i cant tell other people why im feeling this way.. my uni course is very stressful at moment and i cant concentrate on it.. im on placement and cant deal with that.. i have old issues from school and family that i have never dealt with.. i cant form friendships.. i cant keep those i have.. i hate myself so much.. i am a total failure.. and there is no point to this anymore!

Cazki · 20-04-2008, 10:32 PM

Hey there *hugs you* Im really sorry thats things are so tough for you at the moment. Please dont give up, you can get through this. We are all here for you, so please remember that you dont have to go through this on your own. I do understand that this is is very hard for you. Do you have someone that you could talk to about the fact that your struggling with your uni course? Your not a failure at all. Thats not true. Can you talk to us about what it is that causes you to have these thoughts of suicide and self harm? Did something trigger you? Or was it the sudden build up of all the stress your going through? Do you have any support at all?

Please dont end your life, we all care about you so much and if something happened to you we would all be really upset. Please think about things carefully before you think about ending your life. I mention this because suicide effects people in lots of different ways and many people dont think about this when they are thinking about suicide.

Try to keep yourself distracted as much as you can. There are lots of distractions that you could try like listening to music, doing jobs to keep yourself busy, watching a movie, posting on the fun and distractions forum or if you think it would be beneficial to you you could try writing down your thoughts and feelings. This link also has lots of other distractions that you could try http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...ead.php?t=1403 i hope that you find some of the other distractions helpful. Please dont be so hard on yourself as this will only creast more problems and make things worse, you need to try and be really gentle with yourself. Take things a day at a time in small steps. Please keep talking to us.

Take care best wishes Ian xxxxxxxxxxx

tashaiswishing · 21-04-2008, 12:21 AM

Hey hon, I'm really sorry you feel like this, but you must keep on going, because you will come out of this the other side and be so glad you didn't give up. Think of all the people that you make happy every day, and who's lives you have had an impact on, and when you feel at you're at your darkest hour do just one more for them. Think of all the people in the future that you will help, and who's posts you have replied to and made a difference to..
If you really feel you can't pressure your friends then perhaps you could go to the doctors and ask them to set you up with a therapist/counsellor, just to get the feelings off of your chest face to face, and help by offering you practical advice, yet not make you feel you are putting pressure on them. Sometimes when i need to get my mind off stuff the easiest thing to do is to watch a movie (if it's really bad then i regress to Disney), or do something that can get my mind off things.
I'm sorry i have been so useless about all this hon, cos i know whilst i don't feel like this now it is easy for me to give silly solutions.

If you ever want PM me for support or a rant feel more than free to, and stay strong, because i know you can get through this...

take care *hugs* <3 x

huggybear · 21-04-2008, 02:47 PM

distractions arnt helping.. i cant concentrate enough on them.. i wish so much i could. I cant talk to anyone at uni as theyll tell me to take time off and i cant do that.. i cant leave here and go home that would not be the right thing to do now.. i need to stay and do this.
I am looking at councelling but fear stops me.. the thought of expressing some of this stuff scares me the fear of reliving my past.. plus i need someone to push me and i am afraid that they woudnt!
i know i should go back on tablets but i dont want them.. i hate having to depend on them when i should be able to deal with this on my own.
oh well.. i dont feel as suicidal today.. still want to SI but thats not gonna change.
Thanks for your replies they mean so much!

slipping up again · 21-04-2008, 09:39 PM

Oh hun, I'm sorry you're having such a tough time at the moment and I'm sorry we haven't had a chance to catch up on things.

I think you know that really this has been coming for a while, it's a build up of a lot of stuff that you haven't been able to talk about. But you cant keep going like this, you cant keep torturing yourself. You dont deserve this. You really need to take action and do something about it, and by that I mean, going to counselling. I know its scary, but we've talked about it. I know you can do it. Remember, baby steps, concentrate on making a phone call and arranging an appointment, and try not to think about the actual counselling sessions.

Take care and dont forget my PM box is always open.
Sending you lots of HUGS!!