Bad urges *strong trigger for si and suicide* and eating disorder trigger possibly

[Koala hugs]

I really want to harm keep getting urges problem is where I have the urge to do it is a particularly dangerous place to do it and it's almost obsessive how I'm thinking of it and picturing it etc.

I don't know what to do Im thinking would it be so bad if I did it and it did kill me but am trying to refocus an hope things get better

[one_step_closer]

I'm sorry you're struggling so much right now. Do you know why you feel like self harming? It's good that you're trying to refocus, I know it can be such a battle to fight against urges especially when they keep playing themselves in your head.

[Koala hugs]

It could be coz I found something written in a particular p ersons handwriting this someone treated me badly recently like really badly I have recently started to get angry about it so it could be that. Planning to do more cleaning and tidying today now I can see where I've been I am spurred on to do more and turn this sh**pit into somewhere nice to live again I should take my morning meds too which in reality are more like afternoon meds coz I sleep mornings. Also thanks so much for replying

[one_step_closer]

That sounds like it could have been a trigger, I understand your anger and I'm sorry you were treated badly. Focusing on cleaning and tidying sounds like a really great plan, I hope you can create a living space that you feel comfortable in. Also, take your meds!

[Koala hugs]

Took meds a few hrs back bathroom now really clean n tidy did bedroom yesterday just chilling for a bit coz it's hot after that I may attempt the lounge

[Koala hugs]

Lounge done as best I can. Bin bg full of recycling now tho :( dunno what to do about that I can't drive so can't take it to the tip and recycle.

[Koala hugs]

Just realised that that was this mornings trigger god knows what last night's was sorry

[one_step_closer]

Did you manage to work something out with the recycling? How are you doing now?

[Koala hugs]

Hey I haven't sorted anything yet but am hoping to just stick the whole binbag out for the recycling men what with it being a bank holiday today they won't be here till Saturday but at least its bagged up so I'm not tripping over it or loosing my shoes in the recycling pile lol. Feeling a bit fidgety can't keep my feet still only minor but annoying me anyway bit of a headache but it's easing off I think cleaned and tidyed the kitchen today dunno what's got into me lately but whole flat now clean n tidy cept the floors need doin but not badly as for my mood I feel at a loss for what to do with myself I dnt have anything left to do and I slept too much last night coz I had to take strong painkillers on top of my bedtime meds so slept 8hrs solid which is unheard of then kept going back to sleep slept 14hrs total so now I'm not remotely tired just dunno where to put myself feel a bit weird was fine earlier but went out tonight for a smoke and the voices where whispering which was getting to me couldn't make out what they were saying most of the time. Mostly its been an okay day tho sorry for long reply

[Koala hugs]

Aaaannnnd again with the urges. Am off most of my meds with a view to loosing weight gp is aware. Been having a full on argument via text with a good friend about it and now I'm angry. Fed up sad n frustrated with it all and I'm going thru withdrawals from not taking my meds so I keep swaying having strange dreams hoy one Mon cold the next my hoody has been on n off all day coz of it which by itself is annoying me. My friend s argument is that I won't loose weight off the meds as I spend nearly all my time in bed and eat nothing but crap I think it will still work as it will reduce my appetite coming off them and give me more energy do even if I continue to eat crap the portion sizes will be smaller and I will have more energy to exercise too. She doesn't agree I'm sick of arguing with her despite still being angry with her and she is usually the person I go to when I'm angry n upset like this. I feel like crying.

[Koala hugs]

Problem solved my friend is going to be coming with me to gp wed and we r good again my emotions have calmed down and I've actually eaten something healthy it was nice

[Koala hugs]

Gp went well she's now up to date with everything and I'm seeing her again in a few weeks time. I am back on mmy meds as of today