SmallBlackFlower, even where there're disoconnections [that's what dissociation is, basically, disconnections within yourself] it is possible to start to communicate, build connections. Your first connection might be to recognise any unfelt and unresolved grief about losing your twin so young. There is probably an unbearable pain there, that you've split off to help you survive. Maybe you're angry that she left you all alone...
I tried talking to her but I cant seem to, I can hear her though consistently telling me to hurt myself and to hurry up and die.
I dont know whether its because she is lonely or whether she hates me because i survived. In a way I am angry because if she had been around then when i was bullied i would have someone to turn to. when i was locked away maybe she would have helped, i dont know..theres a lot of mixed up feelings i cant explain.
Scabette is my RYL Sister
I don't care if it hurts..I wanna have control..I want a perfect body..I want a perfect soul...I want you to notice..when I'm not around.. I wish I was special..so very special..but I'm a Creep...I'm a weirdo...what the hell am I doing here...I don't belong here" "Such Beautiful Dignity in Self Abuse" ~ Richey Edwards (Manic Street Preachers)~
I dissociated lamost fully at lunch. been a long time since i was so bad. i had a friend with me and they kept asking what was up and in my 'reality' moments i was able to say i wasn't there, but apparently i kept flinching away whenever they touched me (innocently on the head/arm).
please, god, not again
"Has anyone seen my contact lens? It may be stuckto a tree or a rock or something. Oh boy, I am so grounded" Family Guy
if everyone cared and nobody cried, if everyone loved and nobody lied, if everyone shared and swallowed their pride, we'd see the day that nobody died
Lately Lola had been coming out a lot to cope with distress and anger, she was just lurking around the corner this morning when I was going bazerk at the Cat. I'm sorry I hate this.
Something weird happened yesterday.
There's a guy at my paper meetings (I work on a newspaper with some other high school students, but it's a legit newspaper, not a school paper) that I kind of like. He's got a good sense of humor and is generally happy, but I don't know him that well. Yesterday he touched me, kind of rubbed my side, but when I looked down at his hand, he grabbed my side like you would if you were trying to tickle someone. Then he told me he was trying to see if I was ticklish.
I know I withdrew from him, because I have problems with people touching me. But my first impulse was to hide. Then when I was going out to my car to go home, I felt so afraid, and felt like someone was about to attack me.
I do not want to know myself. I do not want to be myself. I know better, so I will strive to be better.
It sounds like part of you is carrying those intense, difficult feelings, because they're hard for you to own. Maybe you've been hurt at some point, and it's trying to protect you?
Definitely maybe.
"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream." -E. A. P.
i have just been diagnosed with DID>
there are many kinds of dissasociation disorders though. doesnt have to be just identity disorder.
im never here. im psycotic n borderline too apparrently.
i dont believe any of that tho. i discharged myself from hosp cuz i dotn think i am ill. doctors just like to have me on their list so that they get extra money
I'm bumping this for bleeding black. See, people were trying to find this thread, and it's fell into disuse. I would like to see it make the return as well.
:)
I do not want to know myself. I do not want to be myself. I know better, so I will strive to be better.
Time loss, headaches (bad), a whole f*cking lot of confusion, and alot of chaos when you come back is all apart of dissociation and DID
My system is of 12 or 13 thus far.
I'll answer any questions.
And yeah -Willow i do know what you mean. jerm ran infront of a car once, narrowly missing him, he was scared as hell.
No prob.
My others have been quiet today, but lately they've been keeping me in a bit of a stupor. I've been having a rough time with SIing. I was doing so well at recovering, and now this..
Victoria is really violent, and always reminds me of how awful I am for starting up again and shutting people out. I'm not sure how much more of this I can take.
I do not want to know myself. I do not want to be myself. I know better, so I will strive to be better.
we have DID too there is alot of info on DID out there but i know of two forums are for DID out there http://www.scar-tissue.net/forum/index.php _ is a SI forum with a forum with DID in it we mod there
http://z3.invisionfree.com/A_Minds_J...ex.php?act=idx is a forum for those who have DID there are safe places for your littles to play
for tweens teens adults inside helpers non human and dark alters
we also mod there
they both have alot of info in them our host didnt know she had DID until her husband ( boyfriend at the time ) moved in we started to talk with him after we felt he was safe for us to most people with DID dont know they have it becouse they are unaware of the other persoanitys
How are you doing now, Katie?
I'm doing alright. I still have a lot of problems with dissassociation. I just found another scratch I didn't make. This is getting out of hand, considering I'm trying to stop.
I do not want to know myself. I do not want to be myself. I know better, so I will strive to be better.