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Old 11-07-2019, 04:29 PM   #601
one_step_closer
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I'm glad it was a positive meeting with your CC. It's good that you'll be going to the hospital that suits you, I'm sure you'll get to know the staff. I hope the consultant is a good match for you too. How are you doing?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 11-07-2019, 06:26 PM   #602
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Thank you. I was stuck in 136 last night as there were no beds on the ward so had a rough night. But now have a bed on the ward so that's good. I know 2 of the doctors on the ward already, 1 from a previous admission here (he's the understudy) and the other is a doctor in training I think so I feel reassured by that as they are both good doctors. I just hope the consultant is good too. I hope that this is all worth it. I hope they listen and understand. I'm not at a point where I know the staff that well yet. A few I already knew but that's it. I hope the majority are nice. I just hope they don't discharge me too quickly

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Old 12-07-2019, 09:13 AM   #603
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Work with them as much as you can and hopefully they will allow you to be a part of the decision making process. How was last night?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 12-07-2019, 09:04 PM   #604
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Thanks I'll try.

Last night was hard. A patient got into my room while I was in my bed. She shouted at me, pulled my curtains down and tried to get me off my bed by pulling the sheets fron under my bum. I pushed my alarm but nobody came for ages and then when they did she barricaded herself in my room. They had to restrain her off my bed. I was pretty shaken up. Turned out she had the master key so could get into all the rooms.

Today was okay. I had a good night's sleep and then had my ward round. The doctors were all lovely including the consultant. But I have no leave still and it's my dad's birthday tomorrow so they're coming up here.

In ward round they said I can still continue psychology and that I need to continue with my depot. But I really don't want to.

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Old 13-07-2019, 06:23 AM   #605
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I'm sorry about last night, I had a similar thing happen to me when I was last IP and I know how terrifying and unsettling it is. How are you feeling today?

I'm also very glad ward round went well.

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Old 13-07-2019, 02:10 PM   #606
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That sounds difficult. It's hard to be in an environment with lots of unwell people. Can you at least give the depot a bit of time to see if it helps? It might be a really positive med for you and remember that it wasn't as bad as you thought when you last got it. I hope you have a nice visit from your family.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 13-07-2019, 05:59 PM   #607
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Sorry a similar thing happened to you too. It's scary isn't it. Thank you. Today has been okay. I slept the morning then saw my mum and my Dad for his birthday for an hour or 2. I just feel like such a failure. My favourite hca from years ago still works here so I hugged her and got to chat with her a bit which was nice. I'm so thrilled she still works here.

I'm feeling pretty low and isolated and hopeless. I'm scared this admission might not help and if it doesn't there's no where else to go other than end my life.

I will try again with the depot but still havent felt any affects from it. Thank you it was okay seeing them.

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Old 14-07-2019, 03:48 AM   #608
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I’m not sure if you’ve had repeated admissions but if so maybe ask to go to a specialist hospital where you can get intense therapy to help you feel more stable, equip you with skills and hopefully help keep you in the community. Just thought I’d put it out there. Hope you start to feel better soon and that the depot helps! I’ve just been changed to one too but a different medicine. Anyway, take care x



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Old 14-07-2019, 10:18 AM   #609
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I have had about 8 or 9 admissions. Thanks for your suggestion but I don't think they have specialist units for bipolar. I'm not sure. I am seeing a psychologist here once a week who is great but sometimes I wish it was more often than that! I think there might be some good groups on earlier on in the week. There's not really much one to one time with the staff though.

Thanks for your kind words it means a lot.

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Old 14-07-2019, 10:59 AM   #610
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Hospital is often not the place where proper recovery takes place, it usually just helps you through a crisis point as I'm sure you know. Since you get on well with the psychologist maybe you could ask her what she would suggest you try therapy wise etc when you are back in the community as that's where most of the recovery work is done I find.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 14-07-2019, 02:59 PM   #611
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Yeah when it's time for discharge she writes a recommendation or at least she did the last time I was here.

Nothing on today it's so boring and I have no one visiting me.

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Old 14-07-2019, 05:55 PM   #612
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I hear you. I don't understand how people are expected to recover when they are stuck with nothing much to do. What did you bring with you?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 14-07-2019, 06:14 PM   #613
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Exactly! I've got my tablet, a book and a word search book. I feel so isolated.

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Old 15-07-2019, 02:25 PM   #614
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I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't know what to do. I think I just need to get out of here. This was all a big mistake.

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Old 15-07-2019, 02:48 PM   #615
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What makes you think it's a big mistake? Has anything particular happened today to make you feel that way?

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Old 15-07-2019, 02:51 PM   #616
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There's nothing wrong with me I just want to die that should be my decision x I don't need psychology or meds I'm not doing it anymore it's pointless

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Old 15-07-2019, 04:24 PM   #617
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While you're there I think it would be best to continue to give things a go. If people thought those weren't good treatments for you they wouldn't be offering them. You've only just started some new treatments so of course it will take some time to see how they're helping/not helping. Have you told anyone how you feel?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 15-07-2019, 05:00 PM   #618
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No no no one cares even though I've been crying all afternoon this is just agony

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Old 15-07-2019, 10:52 PM   #619
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Has anyone ever mentioned MBT or anything to you? It seems like you get quite angry with people and are quite sensitive to perceived ‘rejection’. For example thinking nobody cares etc.

What do your manic episodes look like?





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Old 16-07-2019, 10:02 AM   #620
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I don't get angry I get upset. And I think most people in my position would get upset too.

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