Triggering (Abuse) - Fuck Sakes! I'm so sick of this *support*

[Circle Of Fire]

God my parents have been drinking all day and i'm so pissed off. They started shouting about 3 1/2 hours ago and they are still at it! I hate it when they do this it pisses me off so much!

I'm so angry right now and i'm trying to control it. My mum was thrugh a while ago and i was seriously pissed with her becasue she was complaining about dads shouting. I give her one rule to follow "dont drink when dad's up" and it would solve everythign if she listened to it. She just calls me selfish because " everyone else can drink". So i was so pissed off when she was moaning abotu it all thta i threw a phone at her and i'm glad it hurt her alot1 i'm glad she coudnt breathe!!

Then i went through for soemthign to eat and my dad was taking the piss outta my SI (not done it in a 5 months). he was compeatly drunk and started throwing stuff about tillmy mum got really mad and took a swing for him. That was when i abandonned my dinner and left with a kitchen knife. now i'm sittign shaking with rage and i cant breather right. I just want to stab the shit outta my dad i've had enough. This shit has been going on for years, no one listens, no one changes anything, so i guess its up to me.

I really dont know what to do.
I want to rip the house appart,
Paint the walls with my blood,
Right SOMETHING all the walls
Stab my father

but i'm thinking maybe i should print this off and mail i to my relatives or to someone.

what do you think if anyone even bothers to read this...?

[Heretic]

Can you get out of the house? Leave, maybe go for a walk or something? Anything to get away from it until they've finally settled down.

I know what your going through, when my parents were together they used to get in serious knock down - drag out fights, but at that time, I didn't really have the option to leave because I was to young. Now every time my mom and my step dad get into it, I have to take off. I can't just stay there and listen to it. It reminds me of so much when I was little and I get extremely triggered.

Go somewhere where you can't hear them, some where safe and comfortable for you and ride it out. Try and stay calm.

[Circle Of Fire]

thanks. I dont really have anywhere to go though plus my dad is staying here for the night and these sorts of arguments arent over for hours and hours.

[craola]

Hey hun,
Im sorry im so late replying, I hope things are a little better today, it sounds like you're in a really tough position. I just want to say...five months, that is really huge achievment, I hope you're proud of yourself because that is really amazing.
I think if you are in that situation again you need to get out the way, have you got any friends or family you could go to? Even if its just to escape for a couple of hours to get away from the shouting. I think the idea of printing it off is a really good one, if you're not feeling safe and you're having thoughts like that about your dad I think maybe you could do with a break. How often does your dad stay with you? Maybe it could be organised so that you are away staying with someone else when he is there.
Do you mind me asking how old you are? Next time you're stuck in the house on your own I would really reccommend you calling either Childline or The Samaritans if you cant get away. If this is something that happens to you a lot I really think you should reach out for help, you shouldnt have to be in that position.
Take care hun and stay safe.
Aimee xx

[Superficial]

Honey don't self harm over this, You have gone five months clean without a single cut.
You can do it!

Have you got any family relatives you could stay round for a few days? When your mom is in a better mood and not had a drink tell her you are fed up of how she acts.
Explain how you feel and maybe she will think twice; Ignore your dad.. Mine oftens tests how far he can push me about my self harm but i ignore him because i won't let him win xx

Keep us updated .x

[Stellata]

How are you doing now?

My parents used to drink, and have violent rows, although not quite to that degree, so I understand some of how you might be feeling.

It sounds like you could really do with some support for you, and a safe place to express your anger and fear.

[Superficial]

I hate when my parents drink. You see the other side of them.

[seventytimes7]

:(
Take a walk, seriously it helps. Plus you get away from the things which you might hurt yourself with.
Hope you feel better :)

[Circle Of Fire]

hey its fine my dads away and we have all fallen out. After drinking half the night he drove home in the morning and we havent heard from him.

thanks you guys:)
xx take care everyone
xxx