I feel so....idk....alone and trapped.
I'm flying off the handle at everything - especially at my Mum mainly. I just can't stand to be around her, or in this house (as lovely as she can be) but I just feel like she's on at me about every little thing - how I speak "why are you saying it like that" etc, just everything. (it's not just a teenager/young adult thing)
And of course I have no money still so can't go anywhere. I don't want to go out to friends or anything. I don't want to go out looking like this...esp as it's so hot...and I'm so f*cking FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!
And also, I feel like everything is my fault - everything - whoever it's happening to or whatever it is.
Nothing helps. Not even cutting. Even though I feel like cutting all the time.
I'm so pathetic and weak and there's nothing for me (dw I'm not going to do anything - even that would end up failing and making things worse, and other people worse).
I just want to escape and idk...just for everything to stop (and for me to be skinny again - I used to be 70lb ffs and now I'm over double that and feeling so out of control and hate myself now more than ever)
Binged/Binging
Going to gain a ton.
Idk. Just on self-destruct really.
Can't cope with anything. I want to get away from anything and everything, and everyone. I wish I could also get away from myself. But I know that nothing is ever going to change - it's only going to get worse. There's no point in anything.
Abi xxxx
