things are better...so why aren't I better?

[annabeth_]

It's been 2 weeks since I last posted or was even on RYL. It's been 3 weeks since my last sh episode. I got into my dream grad school. I started setting up everything for my life after university. I made a couple new and pretty good friends. but i still feel so drained and alone and the feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness are coming back.

I can't remember the last time I really slept.

I thought maybe finding something to do when I feel crappy would help. I started going to kickboxing. I'm hoping that it'll be a good outlet for me and since the gym is only a few blocks from me (and it open until 10pm) I can go and take my emotions out on a bag instead of myself.

While things are getting better....I'm not. and I'm scared that I'll just f*** up the good things that have been happening.

[Sketchy]

I think it will just take time. But it sounds like you are doing the right things in trying to get there, like kick boxing. When these feelings get bad do you think you could arrange to be around your friends, to keep you distracted? Even if it's just for a coffee. Sounds like you enjoy their company.

[annabeth_]

thanks for the replies...i guess i'm just so used to things going wrong that I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop so to speak.

I love reading and for a long time I wasn't able to do that anymore. I started trying to pick up books again...I started with smaller ones or books I've already read and know I enjoy. I play the piano but I don't know if it will help. It hasn't in the past but I guess I can always give it another try. I liked the kickboxing thing because I used to play basketball and got m black belt in Tae Kwon Do so I knew that kickboxing would be something i would enjoy and it would also be somewhat new to me if that makes sense.

the external things are finally going well and that's great. It's insane how much has changed in a few weeks but my brain isnt comprehending it. Its like i'm looking for something to go wrong because I don't understand how things can possibly go right for once.

[annabeth_]

I started going to therapy at my college a few weeks ago. I had spring break this week so we skipped a session. That's been on my mind too lately because i think she might ask to finally talk about my sh and i'm somewhat scared, especially since it's three weeks since my last episode and i usually break on the fourth week.