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Old 05-12-2015, 08:25 PM   #1
broken_butterfly_wings
xxxAnnaxxx
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
I am currently:
triggering suicide plans depending on what happens at court

I don't know how this comes cross but I'm going to ask for what I need,compassion.
My husband has left and taken my children using the excuse of my mental health problems although there never seen anything and have never been hurt and have been well looked after. I've been a good mum I've struggled but who don't. I only have 1 of my three children left living with me and he's going through court to try and get my baby as well as my other two he already has. Needless to say every day hurts from the moment I wake up,we've been together 6 and a half years. I am holding it together and trying to keep strong until the court in February but if the outcome is that I can't keep my baby after already suffering the loss of my other children and husband. I plan to end my life, I know things change over time and things get better but I always end up right back where I started and I've already lived a life full of memory I've had a lot of highs and lot of lows I've felt love and loss and have had all human experience of importance. It's just don't balance out anymore. In February if the court decides to give him my baby then I have a plan and a date. I do not want to be judge or talked out of it that's not what this post is about. What I want is compassion and understanding and companionship in the last months of my life because I'm finding it hard to bear this pain everyday I find it hard to function but I'm worried I will give in to some desperate attempt on my life that won't work before feb and that will be bad because 1 if the court does let me keep my baby then I wouldn't end my life I would keep fighting and two I wouldn't want to fail and people would be alerted to my desire to end my life which would make it hard to do in February as people would be watching or I would be back in hospital. I just need to hold on until the outcome but it's hard and I hurt.

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Old 06-12-2015, 12:10 PM   #2
Snow White.
I am a fairy.
 
Join Date: May 2004
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I can hear how much you are hurting and the loss of your children is so overwhelming for you. I'm sorry that your husband left and is fighting in court for the children. I believe you when you say that have never been harmed by you, the way parents who have mental illness get treated even by partners can be extremely unfair and wrong.

I know you don't want to be talked out of suicide, and this is a safe space for you to be listened to about this because it's a very scary thing to go through. I will say though I hope you consider some support to cope with and talk about the loss of your children. It won't be forever, they will grow into adults and I expect be allowed to see you then. Suicide is forever though. I won't go on because I know you don't want to hear it, but it would be remiss of me not to mention.

You sound like you're hurting a great deal at the moment, it must be very isolating to be having these thoughts so I hope you'll stick around here and keep chatting with us.

And of course, I hope the outcome in February is that you get to keep your baby.

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Old 06-12-2015, 03:07 PM   #3
broken_butterfly_wings
xxxAnnaxxx
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
I am currently:

Yes I do feel isolated at the min. I have a counsellor but it's hard to open up because a lot of the things I need to talk about are things that she may have to break confidential for. One of my many daily struggles is getting dressed and getting undressed last night I fell asleep in my clothes and didn't have the energy to change them this morning. Does anyone else struggle with this? How do you find the motivation?

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