My local MH helpline called an ambulance to come and find me because in a crisis situation I had opted to walk for hours and hours in -3 temperatures in the middle of the night in pitch black because I had to burn calories and couldn't let myself stop walking.
One of the paramedics response was 'Well that's not true is it, nobody walks in the middle of the night to burn calories.' She then told me that she 'hadn't called me a liar, but it's not true to say you were walking to burn calories.'
It may not be what people rationally do in the middle of the night. In a crisis situation when you have a severe eating disorder, apparently it was what I did. To be told it 'isn't true' is...pointless, to say the least, considering it was clearly what I had done that night.
I am watching a recording of an 1990s programme called Dangerfield. Someone who has been attacked ended up in a&e and was called a self mutilater by a doctor. I found that offensive.
Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson "I hear those voices that will not be drowned" Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013
Please do not pm me without permission as I find getting PMs very stressful.
I had been clean for awhile and didnít have any visible scars, so after my mom read my diary and found out I was self harming, she suggested I was just being a drama queen and wasnít really doing it lmao
I fell in love with you because you loved me when I couldn't love myself
Have you thought that perhaps if you got a job a few friends, you would stop and you wouldnít feel like this anymore because you would be cured?
Itís an illness just like diabetes - I have had a job, I have had friends, Iíve still had depression anxiety I still self harmed even more. please treating as such. Itís like putting a tiny plaster on paralysed leg and expecting that person to walk again.
Have you tried cbt or mindfulness?
Yeah I have, I have been there done that and worn that shirt to prove it and I ainít gonna apply those techniques when Iím in bad place cos Iím not in frame of mind right now.havw you heard of fight and flight response?
Have you tried distraction techniques?
Yes but you need to be in the right place right time when you feel ready for it and if you are panicking or you having anxiety attack or your about to harm yourself, you are hardly gonna pick up that book and read cover to cover, especially number your shaking, your body is producing the aderenalin, your mind is racing from one thing to the other. Itís not rational.
Be realistic people
Why donít you just pull yourself together and stop feeling sorry for yourself ?
I know you mean well, but you wouldnít say to someone dying of some terminal disease or someone who has just been ********* or someone who has just their mother, father, best mate. Have some compassion?
Why donít you just go out walk for ten minutes clear your head?
Ya I do that already .... thatís no news i havenít heard of, thought about, done
Itís second nature to me and plus Iím indoor person and struggle to get out my house even if I want to or have too.
Why donít you try hitting a box instead or using an elastic band, red marker?
I know you mean well, but I have tried these options a thousand times, I went through the minimisation techniques off the sites and tried every single one a thousand times over and over.
You must do it for fun, attention seek? For people to feel sympathy
No, no and certainly no, no human would do it themselves for a bit of fun or because they had a bad day at work/ at college, and was feeling a bit down. I donít wake and thunk to myself I know what Iím gonna do Iím gonna do this to myself because my life is ****. And no I do not do it for attention, itís dome in secret, Iím ashamed of how Iím feeling. I hate people seeing me struggle to cope with life.
Why donít you ring crisis lime or Samaraitims or your mental health team,? Unless Iím dead 😵 no crisis team or Cmht or Samaritans is gonna save me, thatís because of budget cuts and hate being told that I should go and make myself a cup of tea and have a bath. Theyíll end up learning the hard way.
Why donít you call someone like a friend or family member when you are feeling like this? Because firstly they donít what I do itís secret for s reason, I would be too ashamed and it would cause me more anxiety and I would feel judged. Nah thanks.
Why donít you just get over the self harm? Itíd addiction just like alcohol, cigarettes
'You promised that you'd stop'
' Are you okay?'
'Are you dumb?'
'Ugh, it's making my arm feel weird, can you put on a jacket!'
'You think that's bad? You should see hers/his'
(my PE teacher) ' You can't get changed with the rest of the girls because your 'scratches' make them uncomfortable'
' Promise me that you'll never do it again'