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Old 10-09-2010, 01:36 PM   #1
..PaintedEyes..
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I get sad when scars fade and want to cut more.. :/

So i've been trying to stop cutting, and have been doing quite well, but when scars fade i get sad and just want to make more. Is this strange? I look at my arms, and im pleased with the purple raised scars, but saddened by the ones that fade. one of my arms is nearly bare now, and that just makes me want to start it all up again and make that arm all marked and messed up. im really triggered at the moment to cut just to create more scars... i know this is crazy.. does anyone else feel this way? or am i being strange.. dont most people want their scars to fade? why do i want them to stay? :S



you watched me fall and didnt help me up,
now im not whole , but a half empty cup.
spill me on the floor, i want to let go,
this pain's too much but i won't let it show.


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Old 10-09-2010, 02:47 PM   #2
one_step_closer
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You're not strange at all. Sometimes I don't want my scars to fade but other times I do. It can be a comfort looking at them and it sometimes prevents you from self harming again.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 10-09-2010, 04:11 PM   #3
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I agree with what one_step_closer has said, and would like to add that scars are also proof of what you've been through. One line can tell an incredibly emotional story, and when it fades, you lose that part of your past. I, too, find some twisted pride in looking at my scars, so you're definitely not the only one.

If you like the scars because visually you like the marks on your arms, could you try making marks in pen instead? I also find that keeping a journal/ diary is helpful for mapping the past. Be safe, dear. :)



Nous avons abrité tous les rêves du monde,
Et c'est dans le soleil que nous avons grandi.


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Old 10-09-2010, 04:28 PM   #4
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I feel the same i dont want my scars to fade either they are at the moment

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Old 10-09-2010, 05:23 PM   #5
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There is a similar thread posted already, about fading scares. I feel the same way, w/o scars I feel like I can't SI and I need to have that option open 2 me, even if it isnt health. Sometimes I cut for the same reason you do. I also find my scars comforting....odd i know



You will find that having is not so pleasing a thing as wanting. It is not logical, but is often true-Spock


I'd rather have a goddam horse. A horse is at least human, for God's sake. ~J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

Is it worse to be the victim, or the abuser?

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Old 10-09-2010, 05:32 PM   #6
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Me too, i find a great deal of comfort form mine, i purposely roll up my sleeves many times a day to check how they are, so you are not alone. Hugs.

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Old 10-09-2010, 09:05 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ..PaintedEyes.. View Post
So i've been trying to stop cutting, and have been doing quite well, but when scars fade i get sad and just want to make more. Is this strange? I look at my arms, and im pleased with the purple raised scars, but saddened by the ones that fade. one of my arms is nearly bare now, and that just makes me want to start it all up again and make that arm all marked and messed up. im really triggered at the moment to cut just to create more scars... i know this is crazy.. does anyone else feel this way? or am i being strange.. dont most people want their scars to fade? why do i want them to stay? :S
Couldn't have said it better myself.
I wouldn't say it was strange. I feel exactly the same.

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Old 10-09-2010, 09:06 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by trekkinthrulife View Post
There is a similar thread posted already, about fading scares.
It was mine
http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...d.php?t=144675

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Old 10-09-2010, 11:44 PM   #9
sn0w_white_queen
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I sometimes feel this way too, and just the other day I was thinking about it and wishing they wouldn't fade. I think part of it, at least for me, is that it reminds me of where I've been and how far I come. Just remember that scars fade but memories always remain. Also remember that this is not a good reason to cut.

Stay strong.



Self-injury is a sign of distress not madness. We should be congratulated on having found a way of surviving. - Cory Anderson

The only antidote to mental suffering is physical pain. - Karl Marx


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Old 11-09-2010, 12:01 AM   #10
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I feel the same too



I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. ~ Girl Interrupted

When you dont want to feel, death seems like a dream. ~ Girl Interrupted

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Old 18-09-2010, 05:03 AM   #11
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I made a post about this a few months back. I was right where you are, not wanting my scars to fade. Unfortunately I ended up making new ones. I'm still not sure why it is that a lot of us feel like that, but now I'm back to feeling that way, too.



"Hate is easy. Love takes courage."




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Old 20-09-2010, 02:37 AM   #12
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I guess it's kinda like a catch 22 thing. On one hand scars tell a story of what you've been through, and like survived if you will, but on the other hand it's good that you've started to recover and things and that you don't have to cover up, or have random strangers stare or what not.

So yeh. Basically I get exactly what you mean.




The world is just illusion always trying to change me.
You will find wonder wherever you can, and spread joy whenever you are able.


I felt emotions of gentleness and pleasure, that had long appeared dead, divide within me. - Frankenstein.


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Old 20-09-2010, 05:55 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CherryUK View Post
Me too, i find a great deal of comfort form mine, i purposely roll up my sleeves many times a day to check how they are, so you are not alone. Hugs.
I'm really bad for doing this. Yeah I tend to not want them to fade for the majority of the time. And it seems other people feel the same so I don't think what your feeling is strange at all.



Oh god I want to hear you say,
I want to hear you say that you were wrong again

This is the first thing
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Time is the echo of an axe
Within a wood.


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Old 04-07-2015, 12:22 PM   #14
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I think it's because we feel safe with the scars and don't want them to go away because they are always there. But when the slowly turn back into our skin the only memory we have is when we created them and the pain we felt. Not our art work.

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Old 06-07-2015, 05:02 AM   #15
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I feel this way so often. The past few days have been especially hard - I was actually going to post a thread about it because I am missing my scars SO MUCH and having a really hard time not making new ones.

I also totally relate to frequently rolling up me sleeves to look at the scars. They make me feel safe, somehow. I think maybe they validate something in me that never feels quite heard - like my skin is the only sentient being that knows what I wish I could express, and cutting is the only way I know how to express it. I feel like a part of me is lost, through a kind of silence, when they fade. Which is why I keep looking at them, making sure they still exist.

But they exist less and less, and that scares me. I miss them.

I want to be a social worker, though, and I want to work with kids. I want to be able to apply to jobs without having to tell my boss I'll need to wear long sleeves at work. I want to meet people without feeling self-conscious about my arms. I want to play with kids and not worry about answering questions when they see what I've done to myself.

It also helps, right now, that it's really hot and wearing long sleeves sucks. Since most of my scars are somewhat faded by now I've gotten okay wearing short sleeves around most people. I don't want new bandages and red streaks showing if I'm around people.

These are the things keeping me from relapsing, but I'm not sure how many more days like the last few I can have without caving.

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Old 26-07-2015, 11:10 PM   #16
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I completly understand what you mean...
I cut and actually liked feeling the scars on my arm
Now they are barely there which makes me sad.
I want that relaxing feeling back... but I can't

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Old 12-08-2015, 04:30 AM   #17
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It's a vicious cycle for me. I want the scars to fade but as soon as they do, I wish they were there and end up getting more. You're not alone.



http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=62146&dateline=148536  0642


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Old 11-10-2015, 11:56 PM   #18
TrashChild
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I feel the same way. It really sucks, especially when you're so proud of yourself for not self harming.





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Old 12-10-2015, 05:54 AM   #19
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I feel that way too, don't worry!

That's completely normal! I feel that way all the time. The urges to self harm will always be lurking in the shadows but you have to stay strong and fight past them. A way you can get the satisfaction of having "scars" is doing things like drawing on your self (either in red marker or not). If you like seeing the area a mess you can scribble or doodle on your arm to simulate it. Just don't give in because sooner or later, you will regret it. I hope you feel better soon, good luck! x. R

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Old 03-11-2015, 03:54 AM   #20
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I'm the same way. I love when they are still healing and i can run my finger up and down my arm and feel them. You are definitely not alone <3



"We accept the love we think we deserve."~Perks of Being a Wallflower

"Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose."~Lyndon B. Johnson

“Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact.”~William James

“you can, you should, and if you’re brave enough to start, you will.” ~Stephen King, On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft

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