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Old 02-04-2017, 08:08 AM   #1
Jodecie33
 
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Trying to figure out how to help my sister. TRIGGER WARNING

Hey, so here is the thing. have a little sister who is 13. And I found out today that she's self harming. My grandma was the one who brought it to my attention I didn't even notice at first. and I was told that they don't want me to talk to my sister about it. (even though I dealt with self harm for years and i'm still dealing with it. haven't been doing it though yay.)

( I talked to Alicia earlier and she suggested a way around it and give her some hand outs about it that I would think would be helpful to her. i just don't know where to start)



When my mom noticed the cuts on her my mom told her to show it to her and my sister said no. so my moms not currently talking to my sister or even acknowledging my sister. (or me for that matter.) from my moms perspective I guess I could see the reason as far as wanting to see it. to make sure it's not infected and stuff like that but I know how embarrassing and (for a lack of better words) hurtful that feels. It's a horrible feeling when your forced to show somebody what you've done to yourself.



I feel like crap being told that I can't talk to her about it. it's not even the fact that she's started doing it that bothers me. because I know she's been depressed and I undersrtand what it's like when you have to be constantly trying to hide any kind of negative emotions around my mom because it's not ok. and i know whats it's like to feel completly alone and like nobody cares about you and to feel so overwhelmed with emotions that you'll do anything to try and make yourself feel better even if that means hurting yourself.



And i know that my families way of trying to deal with the sitatuin is to try and watch her 24/7 and to try and make it impossible for her to have a chance to self harm. And i know that it will come to a point where they demand that she stops doing it. And i know that they don't see it as a coping mechanism. and that they don't and that they wont try to learn about it or to understand it. now i'm not trying to say that i know what they should do but i know that what they are doing isn't right. (i personally think she should be put in therapy but nobody ever listens to me.)



What does scare me is that she has no idea what she's getting herself into. she doesn't know how addictive what she's doing will become and how hard it will be to stop it. And she doesn't know how much work it will take to stop it. PLUS i don't know how she's going to react to being watched all the time and i'm terrified she will just be like me and just become better at hiding the fact that she's even doing it. And i just want to hug her and tell her that i understand. so she knows she's not alone. But mostly i'm terrified that she's going to slip and hurt herself really bad. i've slipped a few times while doing it but thank god i never accidently killed myself.

Even if i do talk to my sister, because of my past my family has taught her that i can't be trusted so i don't know how she would react even if i do talk to her. the only reason why i'm even debating on wheather or not i should talk to her is because if my mom finds out i went behind her back then my mom wont baby sit for me anymore i can't afford a 24 hour daycare for jodecie. it just cost to much and i would lose my job.

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Old 03-04-2017, 06:32 AM   #2
Jodecie33
 
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My family knows that I struggled with self harm to. I was a year older than she is now when I started. And they are doing exactly the same thing they are doing to my sister.

Secondly I will try to talk to or have a professional talk to them but I don't know if they will be willing. They don't exactly believe in the whole concept of mental health. To them a person is either crazy and dangerous or their "normal" but I can certainly try.

And I will try that route with my sister and at least let her know I'm there for her to talk to.

Thanks

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Old 03-04-2017, 03:28 PM   #3
Sooty
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Hi Jodecie,

Sorry to hear the situation you're in with your little sister and your parents. Your parents reaction sound uncannily similar to my parents. I've tried to imagine what I would do if I can a little sister and what I would say to my parents. I think I would go along the lines of "if I could go back in time... I think having some therapy as a teenager would have made a huge difference in self harm becoming a long term problem and getting out of control. The suggestions of hiding a first aid kid and having a chat with your sister but avoiding the 'I'm a self harmer too' side of things are good ideas. How's your grandmother with all of this? Sometimes it's the next generation up who can be better at listening and could have more influence on how your parents handle this.... but sometimes not.

I think communication is key as Epic said, self harm is often as a result of not being able to communicate emotions in a healthy and safe way so maybe just letting your sister know that she can contact you, text you or talk to you whenever and you won't be angry or judgmental or demanding will be the best way you can help her directly.

Sophie.x



Soon... Now will be then...Today will be yesterday... Present will be past...And thought will be memory... So...Live for the future! Make your future how you want it!

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Old 04-04-2017, 10:01 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jodecie33 View Post
And I will try that route with my sister and at least let her know I'm there for her to talk to.
Thanks
I thinks that's really what can help her. Nobody needs to know. And it's good to be there for you're sister - that's what sisters are for.
Take care (and keep us posted if you like)

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