It just generally really bothers me when people make generalisations about self-harmers. I mean there's the stereotypes like we're all attention seeking or we're all suicidal. But also the opposite extreme, when people insist that it has nothing to do with anything stereotypical. I mean, some people are suicidal, some do want attention. And I don't mean like oh, it's not important, they just want attention. There's nothing inherently wrong with attention seeking. If someone needs attention that bad, they're clearly suffering. I don't do that myself, and I think it's rare, but I hate that people are so judgemental about it.
Also I hate the one where people are like, they don't really like the pain. Maybe that's true for a lot of people, but I do like it. Not just the rush of endorphins, the actual pain before it. I guess I just wish more people would accept that the reasons behind self-harm are a lot more complicated and varied than they would like to think.
a little collection of my "favorites" from over the years..
"thats so selfish"
"how do you think that makes other people feel when they see that?"
"those scars will be there forever"
"why are you ruining your body?"
"some people have it much worse than you, you have no reason to do this"
"you have no reason to cut because you have ______"
"how will you explain this to your kids?"
"you need to put some scar cream on those"
"that doesnt fix anything"
I have a co worker who consistently jokes about cutting. I kind of wonder if he knows I do. Hell say yhings like "I don't care if people like me or not. I don't go home and cut myself because people don't like me." Its very odd.
I think I’m an attention seeker – I seek my own, that’s the way it is.
*Returning to the subject*
About six years ago I started to cut. After a while I came clean and told my wife. She understood and we had a good thing going, I thought. But when I had a relapse, that she found out about she panicked and said: -If you don’t stop I’ll start myself.
Ever since that moment I’ve secretly continued and never address my issues again. This was the stupidest she could have said to me (maybe not the most inappropriate).
I currently have small cuts from when a cat scratched me over Christmas and the fact that I have been picking them means that they are taking their time to heal.
"Where did you get those cuts from? Are you SHing again?" By my parents.
First of all SH encompasses drink and or drug abuse which I am not doing. Secondly my parents know how long I have been SI free for (nearly 4 years 8 months). They know I want to get to 5 years free. So why assume (still) that every little cut is SI related? They really should have learnt by now that there's innocent reasons for cuts appearing. Heck I could be 10 years free and still accusing me of SIING. Even if things did go wrong and I did cut I wouldn't do it in a obvious place.
Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson "I hear those voices that will not be drowned" Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013
I had a teacher once say (after a video player crashed) "oh well i guess I'll just go home and slit my wrist now".
There is also one guy who constantly makes jokes about cutting like when we were talking about bullying once with our "group" he was saying how people should just suck it up and I was trying to tell him that it's not that simple and he said to me "well how would you know? You gonna kill yourself? Show us Ya wrists" and then proceeded to grab my wrist which made me yell and yank my arm back because he had grabbed on one of the cuts from the previous night. I was so mortified that I went to the bathroom and slipped the last two periods of school
i was camping once and we were setting up temporary fences for our horses and the wind blew my shorts up (they we loose ones) and my little sister pointed and basically yelled "why do you have all those cuts on your legs?!?!?!?"
like wow thanks sister, right infront of my mother, step father, brother, and about 3 family friends. she is 13, so its not like she was a little kid with no idea what she was saying
It's awful what people will say just because they don't understand OR because they think self-harming is selfish somehow.
@Izumi, not that it makes it any better, but maybe your sister was so shocked and worried about you in that moment that she blurted it out without thinking (still not an excuse - did she apologize to you? or act like it didn't happen?)
@queer axolotyl, I'm so sorry you have to deal with horrible remarks like those from your mum..may I ask how old you are, because you shouldn't have to live in such an abusive household in my opinion, do you have someone who lets you stay with them sometimes so you can get some distance from your mother? (I'm sorry if I'm being too intrusive, if so I'll just shut up, it just sounds really bad)
@queer axolotyl, I'm so sorry you have to deal with horrible remarks like those from your mum..may I ask how old you are, because you shouldn't have to live in such an abusive household in my opinion, do you have someone who lets you stay with them sometimes so you can get some distance from your mother? (I'm sorry if I'm being too intrusive, if so I'll just shut up, it just sounds really bad)
It's okay, you're not being intrusive *smiles reassuringly*. I'm 15, but my mum said these things when I was 13, and I think it was more because she didn't really understand self harm back then, but she's a lot more understanding now and our relationship has really improved; although she doesn't know that i still struggle with self harm.
I'm glad to hear it, that your relationship has improved a lot, I mean.
It's never easy for parents to see their kids suffer, but they should at least try to be supportive (I'm just stating the obvious here, sorry). But you said she's more understanding now, so that's something.
Lol i realise this is like a year old but i thought id contribute anyway
My mum once said to me when I got a mark only right hand accidentally "well it matches the other side now"
Another time was a while ago, I had been to my friends house not long after I'd met him and he had this cringey tatoo which was funny so I told my mum about it she asked how I knew I said he showed me, to which she responded "did you show him your wrist" and I was like no??? Thats not even close to them same thing???
Last edited by GokWan : 28-02-2017 at 07:05 PM.
Reason: Noticed the date
My local MH helpline called an ambulance to come and find me because in a crisis situation I had opted to walk for hours and hours in -3 temperatures in the middle of the night in pitch black because I had to burn calories and couldn't let myself stop walking.
One of the paramedics response was 'Well that's not true is it, nobody walks in the middle of the night to burn calories.' She then told me that she 'hadn't called me a liar, but it's not true to say you were walking to burn calories.'
It may not be what people rationally do in the middle of the night. In a crisis situation when you have a severe eating disorder, apparently it was what I did. To be told it 'isn't true' is...pointless, to say the least, considering it was clearly what I had done that night.
