Sooo I’ve not had a CPN for over a year and there have been blips but generally ok. Until earlier this week when I OD’d and ended up in intensive care after resus. I discharged myself AMA because I felt better although Was still very tachycardic. They told me I had to see community team/crisis today because of the severity of the incident/physical consequences but I’ve heard nothing. I know it was serious because of how poorly I was and the interventions but I’m so confused....even with self harm they usually insist on psych liaison. But this is the first time I’ve been so physically poorly. Maybe that’s why? I don’t know whether to believe intrusive thoughts or trust their judgement and see it as a MH service oversight, I also don’t know what I want.
So the point from this post? What do? Legit nearly died and have put across to cmht what support I need before this incident. Have also emailed advocacy. Short term don’t know how to ask for support without sounding manipulative.
Thanks. Finally got through to crisis team woman who to be honest was less than helpful and said I should have contacted them sooner and they would have put a plan in place. Said I was contacting now cos I’ve not long been out of hospital and she said I’d have to wait 24hrs. Said I didn’t think that was appropriate and she told me her colleagues were busy and someone would call me back ‘at some point’. So now I flood of tears cos I don’t know what to do
Do you know what led to the od? What type of support you were asking for in advance? I'm a bit unsure what to say because it sounds like you're doing the right thing reaching out for irl support if you know what you need.
In the absence of that, do you know what might help or at least what doesn't help? I'm sorry for asking so many questions, but without really knowing what's going on for you it's hard to know what to suggest. It's not for lack of caring though.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
That's not ok at all.
I'd definitely speak to an advocacy service.
It's not fair on you, it sounds like you really need some support.
I'm sorry you're struggling so much
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
OH ffs this is a new level of bullshit from the good old mental health services. I'm so sorry that you've been so unwell and that you've been so badly let down by services.
Have you heard back from advocacy?
I'm guessing you know from experiences with other people and also your work/study that sometimes you have to be unbearably persistent with mental health services to get the right help. It's not right but that's the way it is and hopefully you can objectively see that that's what's happening here and that it's OK to keep asking them for help and reminding them what you need. I know it's really hard to apply what you know to yourself though!
I'm so sorry you've been let down by services - you clearly need and deserve support. You contribute a great deal to these forums and fight so hard to overcome the difficulties you're faced with.
Thank you so much for the replies. Head is a bit mush tonight so apologies if I miss any questions or thoughts. I spoke to mental health services and asked for either therapy to address trauma or a Coordinator again to help me recognise warning signs so I can get to a point to be stable enough to have that therapy. I was doing much better when I had one.
In terms of trigger, I think I feel really out of control and when I feel like this self harm CAN play a part but I had been eight months ‘free’. I’m not depressed and I’m not manic. I’m not feeling emotionally out of control. I think I feel out of control of practical things and I’ve done all I can and accepted most of it that isn’t in my control and have for a while, but the prospect of being like this forever even on and off, never mind the bipolar episodes doesn’t feel like control of a life. Like I’m always chasing control rather than steering. And I have no ‘map’ in terms of professional support or prospects for that to change. So I took control by doing something where I was out of control but it scared me how extreme the situation became. I’m not sure I’m explaining properly so apologies if this is unclear.
Crisis team worker called me this pm whilst I was on a hike (I’ve tried to be living more healthily the last two months including this and giving up smoking etc). I called her back this evening and she was lovely. I’ve known her on and off for years. She said she’s going to write in support of what I asked but in reality they will discharge me from crisis services on Monday despite what she recommends and just tell me to ‘call duty’. To be fair to crisis team they have actually been generally in my corner arguing CMHT etc the last month or two. Just the night staff who are appalling.
I’m genuinely not suicidal. I’m scared I’m going to die whilst trying to regain a sense of control, which I’m aware is contradictory but I don’t know what to do. In tears even typing this and last reply.
I can understand what you are saying, and it sounds like you are doing all the right things. I can really relate to that fear.
Is there a different way to get any type of practical help or therapy that isn't through NHS? I know that might not be feasible if it even exists, but just wondering if non NHS options exist for what you need?
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I spoke to mental health services and asked for either therapy to address trauma or a Coordinator again to help me recognise warning signs so I can get to a point to be stable enough to have that therapy. I was doing much better when I had one.
What a sensible and reasonable request. Why they wouldn't offer you that is beyond me. I hope that the crisis team person writing in support of your request will have some effect, though your doubting that it will have an effect is very much understandable.
Hiking and no smoking both sound like excellent lifestyle choices- I hope you're enjoying the outdoors and having more money from not smoking?
I wish I knew what to say. That really ins't okay of them at all. I just wanted to at least say I was thinking of you, since I know a lot of the other UK folks are likely asleep by now.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
Thanks. Duty called me today. Usual points of distract yourself and general chit chat. And ‘call us if you need us’. I burst into tears on the phone and said again I needed a long term plan or something more than ‘call duty’. But there’s nothing he could say other than ‘I’ll make a note of that’. I honestly don’t know what to do.
Nope, not had one for a year. They were removed after an incident when I was sectioned that nearly got my arrested (not sure how much info I can give). They advocated for this not to be the case but whilst risk has never been an issue before this and hasn’t since I was discharged from hospital they’ve never reallocated.
Curveball
