I am finding everything so hard. But I've no one to talk too who understands. I just hate myself and my life. The battle to not self-harm is really really strong. I miss my "Normal life" I am finding it harder and harder to wake up And get out of bed. I don't see any point in dressing or showering or washing my hair. I just want to either sleep or spend my time in my room on my own.
I miss my friends, I miss everything. It seems my friends don't care anymore, I am chasing them and then some of them don't bother replying.
It's hard to pretend I am okay. In front of the parents, I just act like I am used to, and cover everything up and act like I am okay. They don't know how much I am struggling.
And I keep having disturbing dreams, That's when I can actually sleep. Which is another thing that is really freaking me out, I keep thinking someone is in my room, Be it alive or dead, My nan who I hated died just after the lockdown and my sister and mum have seen them in there dreams. I am scared she's going to be there in my room when I wake up.
And to top that off my auntie died this morning. And I have no feelings what so ever. I have not cried once. I just feel numb and empty.
?When words become unclear, I shall focus with photographs. When images become inadequate, I shall be content with silence.?
? Ansel Adams
I'm sorry everything is such a struggle for you right now. Sorry to hear about your Auntie, it's ok not to cry. Feeling numb and empty can be painful, although I know that doesn't seem to make much sense. We understand and are here for you if it helps to post. Do you have any professional support? Are there small things you can start to change to make your life feel more 'normal' to you?
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Do you have the number for your local crisis team or do you find helplines useful at all? How supportive do you think your family would be if you stopped pretending to be ok? Skin flare ups are horrible, are you itchy/sore? I hope the antibiotics settle things quickly.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I just really want a hug from my best friend. It hurts my heart that I can't see her. We are both struggling mentally. She's the only person who understands.
?When words become unclear, I shall focus with photographs. When images become inadequate, I shall be content with silence.?
? Ansel Adams
I can relate to spending money online, I do it lots now. Could you instead add things to a Wishlist on Amazon or something? What is it that you get from spending money online, do you like to get things in the post? There is a positive pen pals group on Fb that I'm a part of if you're interested, it helps to get nice letters through the post.
I'm sorry you're struggling without your friend. That is really hard. Do you still keep in touch with her? If you have a big soft toy maybe you could hug that, of course I know it's not the same.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
All I want to do is sleep and eat. Everyone and everything is pissing me off. To the point of tv adverts and shows. I don't see the point in breathing and carrying on anymore. I have nothing to bother getting up for. I just want to drift away.
?When words become unclear, I shall focus with photographs. When images become inadequate, I shall be content with silence.?
? Ansel Adams
That sounds like you're really stuck hiding away. Are there small steps you can take out of your hiding? Are you feeling really low at the moment? Do your family know how you feel? It's hard being in that kind of place *gentle hugs if ok*
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
