Contains sexual abuse - I need to get this out
It's taken me months to make this thread, but I need to get this out. Last October, I dated a guy for around a month. It was a really bad relationship for many reasons that I don't want to go into here because I ****ed up pretty royally, but he was unaware of it all until we broke up. I will say, however, that I'm a transguy and that at that point, I was going through a rough few months with my family, who are emotionally abusive as they don't accept my gender, so decided that it would be easier to say I was genderfluid. So the guy I was dating viewed me as genderfluid and that also made me uncomfortable.
We'd been... kind of friends before we started dating, I suppose, and because I knew it would get in the way of things, I told him I'd been sexually abused in the past and that most sexual things still make me incredibly uncomfortable - especially when I'm being touched. He, at that moment, told me that he respected that (and even threatened to hurt my abuser) so I thought that everything would be okay.
The next 3 Saturdays, I spent most of my time at his house. Each time, he decided to touch me and I asked him to stop. He did the first time, but as soon as he realised I was willing to touch him (out of guilt), he decided to shove his hands down my boxers again even when I begged him to get off of me.
I ended up drinking pretty heavily to handle it, and the whole "relationship" fell apart at my friend's birthday party where I got drunk and basically told the guy that he could sleep with me. He somehow developed morals at that moment and refused because I was drunk, I got upset and ended up having my friends physically restrain me because I was trying to jump out a window.
I've never mentioned most of this in any real detail to anyone in any way before, but I could do with some support because it's stopping me from doing a lot of things right now.