This is a tough one. I think the main thing is communication; before, during and after intimacy. Take things slow so that you can identify how you respond to different things. Remember you can't rush it, and if you're finding it hard you have every right to stop and step back from it.
Personally, I struggle with the idea of sex and its not something I'm overly interested in. So, for my wife that means accepting that, for now, its a bit of a rarity but we're intimate in so many other ways, by cuddling/sharing our lives/sharing our emotions. If sex is just not right for you for now, that's allowed.
As an additional point, a friend of mine who experienced a lot of abuse has found her own way of dealing with it. She has sex pretty often but never in the way the abuse took place, so she uses bondage and kink stuff to make it a totally different way of being intimate, and being in control.