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Old 10-05-2015, 02:12 PM   #1
Lindsey's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2008
Contains sexual abuse - How to identify abuse.

I have recently starting my first relationship. I was raped 10 years ago and haven't been with anybody since.

I haven't been upfront with the guy except for telling him I'm inexperienced. I have talked it through with my counsellor and she has explained how I can tell him my needs without confessing what happened to me.

We just went on holiday for a week and we were with each other every second of the day. On one of the last nights he turned to me and said "do you EVER just SHUT. UP?" and pointed out that he hadn't had a break from me for a whole week apart from 20mins a day while we each shower. I was quite upset and he was very drunk. He apologised and we had sex. But he was very rough with me and I repeatedly asked him to slow down and be a bit more gentle. He was really mean to me but I don't think he meant to physically hurt me. The next day I mentioned it and he was genuinely very surprised that I had such a bad experience and didnt think it was a problem.

I'm really confused now as to whether or not I should get out. I think i've been tainted by my previous experience and can't identify what is really abuse and what is just someone being a bit of a douche. I explained that he hurt and upset me and he apologised. But I'm not sure if this is a warning sign.

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Old 10-05-2015, 05:44 PM   #2
Join Date: Jun 2013

It sounds like you know the answer to this in yourself. Yes it is a warning sign. Rarely, it is a one off. It is up to you if you want to take that 'risk', weighing it uo against the benefits and the good times, which should be countleS's. I would of course urge you to be be safe and leave, you deserve the best especially given your past experience.

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Old 10-05-2015, 06:30 PM   #3
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Join Date: Jan 2008

I'm seeing my counsellor tomorrow to discuss this further.

He didn't display any anger or impatience at any other time. I have been friends with him for a long time and he has never been anything but kind and gentle.

I'm heartbroken if this is the end so soon. I'm never going to be able to trust anyone.

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Old 10-05-2015, 11:50 PM   #4
Join Date: Jun 2013

I understand it could be extremely difficult to trust people again in the future, but be assured and keep in your mind that there are trustworthy people in the world, in fact most people are decenT.the problem will lie, naturally following your experience, in you being able to trust them, bit with time your brain will learn tht you can trust people. I hope that makes sense I'm very tired o probably haven't explained myself very well!

Best wishes, let us know how the counselling goes

F xx

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Old 12-05-2015, 09:15 PM   #5
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Join Date: Jan 2008

My counsellor is always fiercely on my side so she isn't too happy with his behaviour. As she isn't supposed to influence me she just relayed the facts, that this is a side he has to him.

99.9% of the time he has been kind and gentle. I am going to explain how hard that outburst was for me and that I deserve more than that. I don't really believe that but I trust my counsellor and this was something she suggested I could do.

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Old 21-05-2015, 10:27 AM   #6
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Join Date: Sep 2007
I am currently:

Did you have the conversation with your boyfriend?
How did it go?

Humility over, I am amazing.

Fight for your dreams and your dreams will fight for you.

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