Contains sexual abuse - Did he take away my virginity?

[not_so_insig]

I was bullied as well as SA. I was having a really bad day and I used to take out all my woes to my abuser. He replied (well something along the lines I cant remember exactly) "well I love you, and I want to show you how much I care. I want to make love to you" and promptly started kissing me.

Next thing I knew he was undressing me and we were having sex. I dont consider it r*pe because part of me wanted it. I wanted someone to care. He didnt care about it, and he was rough and selfish. I bled a lot and continued bleeding non stop for about two weeks afterwards.

I think he did because he was the first man I had sex with. But my ex-SA counsellor said that he didnt, because he took advantage of me. Whatever, from a legal point of view, we broke the law because I was 13 at the time. I was in my 20s before I had consentual sex.

So the question remains: did I lose my virginity to my abuser or my ex bf who was consentual?

[Epicene]

I would personally always view that abuse does not take away ones virginity. Consent is a massive part of taking the choice to be with someone sexually, especially the first time. It's the key thing in fact.

[EyelinerAndCigarettes]

I just wanted to reply & send you *hugs* & to say that I agree with everyone else & that I'm thinking of you. <3

[Charmed]

I'm low on words, but I agree with others, I believe that consent is required to take virginity. It should be a choice.

Take care of yourself *hugs*

[Aliraza70]

It was written by someone named Emmeline May, and has been published in various places online. I have copy/pasted the main part of it below, lest those links go down in future.????

[World]

Losing your virginity is a choice. By exploiting you and telling you he is going to make love to you, that person took the choice upon himself that you would have sex. You did not make that choice, so in my opinion and others clearl, you didn't give your virginity to this man, you gave it to the person you chose to give it to in your20's

F xx

[not_so_insig]

Thanks everyone for their replies (sorry I didnt answer this sooner, tbh I forgot about it).

I guess that I didnt lose my virginity to my abuser, but my ex instead.