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Old 14-01-2015, 07:10 AM   #1
finding.my.wings
 
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Contains sexual abuse - Do i have to talk about it?

This has always been a struggle.... i can kinda accept that it happened but i tend to avoid talking or thinking about it (avoidance tends to be some sort of self destructive behavior). I can recall parts of it but that is all. I cannot face particular people and often see someone else and am triggered and experience flashbacks or disassociation. But talking about it is hard and im not sure i ever ever want to yet i know that in order to move away form self destructive behaviors i need to face this. But its hard and i dont know how to..... i recently began an out patient therapy group and people there are pretty open about things including this and i just end up wanting to drink, not eat, b/p, hurt self or od.

Is there any other way?
Is there a way i can talk about it?
How do i do this and be ok?



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Old 14-01-2015, 11:45 AM   #2
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I know how you feel exactlly wish i could say something to help but i'm having the same conflict about facing it and talking about it-hugs to you x



"And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back so shake him off."

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Old 15-01-2015, 09:03 PM   #3
Amaranth
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Talking about it is incredibly hard, I know I avoided talking about it for years. I have talked to my counsellor about it now, but it took a long time before I was ready.
If you find it too hard then that's ok. You may find in time you feel more able to, or you may find you're able to move on with your life without ever talking about it.
Everyone is different, but it's important to take care of yourself and not pressure yourself into thinking you should do something you're not ready for.
Do you think you're getting enough benefit out of the therapy group to put up with all the negative implications it's having for you?

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Old 16-01-2015, 04:30 PM   #4
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i would say that rather than a group setting one to one therapy might be more useful. i saw a therapist and we spoke about how it made me feel there and then in that moment and how it was effecting me without having to actually discuss the abuse in anyway. we both knew that it was the elephant in the room staring us in the face but we didnt need to talk about it

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Old 18-01-2015, 03:20 AM   #5
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I've been where you are, starting with a group, and that's hard. It's significantly easier to begin one on one.

And it's very hard to do this and stay 'ok'. A lot of times, people get worse when they begin to get better, as weird as it sounds.

As Dragon suggested, beginning with how it affects you right now is a good place to start. You could start with asking how to effectively and safely deal with your feelings after group is over - just as a starting point. I also find it a lot easier to deal with things as they crop up rather than to try to tangle with the whole abuse thing as a whole. It just seems too big sometimes.

But you can do this. You really can.



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Old 19-01-2015, 11:20 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amaranth View Post
Talking about it is incredibly hard, I know I avoided talking about it for years. I have talked to my counsellor about it now, but it took a long time before I was ready.
If you find it too hard then that's ok. You may find in time you feel more able to, or you may find you're able to move on with your life without ever talking about it.
Everyone is different, but it's important to take care of yourself and not pressure yourself into thinking you should do something you're not ready for.
Do you think you're getting enough benefit out of the therapy group to put up with all the negative implications it's having for you?
The group thearpy seend like it will be more beneficial then one to one as I actually have to face things rather than run away or avoid them. As for the negative impact I am hoping that with time they will de crease to.a more manageable level.



The BRAVEST thing
I ever did was
CONTINUING MY LIFE
when I wanted to die.


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Old 19-01-2015, 11:28 AM   #7
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@dragon uk: I've done 1:1 thearpy for the past 3 years and I either walked out or stopped talking when any of this was menation ed by her. The group contract is that we don't leave unless staff say it's ok. For me this group, aside from specific thearpy from a particular organization, is my last option before I'm referred to a therapeutic community (residental/inpatient) under the mental healthe act unless I go volunteerly.

Armarllys: today I did better in the group- I was able to say how something someone said affected me. And my nurse this afternoon reiterated that it'll be hard before it gets easier.



The BRAVEST thing
I ever did was
CONTINUING MY LIFE
when I wanted to die.


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Old 20-01-2015, 07:46 PM   #8
Amaranth
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Well done for being able to speak up in group
Talking about things like that will always be very hard and very painful, but is worth it in the end as you can start healing aftetwards. It's a long and difficult path though - go at your own pace and make sure you look after yourself.
Can you do something nice that you enjoy after you've been to group therapy? Something to look forward to and to reward or comfort yourself.

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Old 26-04-2015, 01:20 PM   #9
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*bumping this* cause updating

Hi... its been about 2 months since i began the out patient group.
i still really havent managed to talk about this. (ive had a lot of other stuff happen) but it has cropped up at group quite often.... and i still do have flashbacks but only on all the same stuff and they are very sparse on detail.

One of the other things that have happened is that my youngest brother(brother A) whom was also abused has moved to my city and gotten in contact with me. Its bed enough that he was abused, but he went on to do the same to other and im finding that i struggle being around him and having this knowledge. Intellectually i understand why he did that but emotionally i cant. emotionally i hate him to and want to hurt him but i know that as being older i shouldnt do that.

Also my other brother who live in the same city (brother B) is gay and is convinced that hes gay because of the abuse. Secondly he likes to talk to me about it and i cringe. i cant handle it, i cant remember, i cant have those thoughts or memories in my mind and he doesnt understand that. I cant even tell him not to talk about it around me because he doesnt understand.



The BRAVEST thing
I ever did was
CONTINUING MY LIFE
when I wanted to die.


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