please help. ((could be triggering))

[**thelastnight**]

I've been struggling a lot lately. I've been wanting to cut so bad its not even funny. i've been exactly 1 month and 8 days since i've last self harmed. ( if u don't count like slightly bruising. It only lasted for like a day and a half so i don't really count it.) Im in such a dark place right now that i feel like i'm going to break. I've been having really bad urges and suicidal thoughts. the only way i've beating these urges is because of my boyfriend of 7 months and not wanting to hurt him, but recently even him being there isn't enough. I've been feeling like i'm dead inside an all i can think about is cutting. i keep picturing it and it kills me. I don't know what to do and i feel completely alone and lost. I feel like theres no reason to be around anymore. I feel like i cant keep trying to stop cutting anymore. I don't know what to do. Please help.

[to-be-happy]

hi im feeling the same thing kind of and well im just waiting for someone to tell me justto go for it liketo SH or something even though i kno its not good there are so many reasons why i shouldnt sh but at the same time there are jusst as many as why i should SH

[PassedExpectations]

can your boyfriend help you through the urges? or can you call someone else to distract you or to talk with right now?

you aren't alone. if you look at everyone on this site, lots of us have felt that we couldn't get out and couldn't get through. but we're still here, and are ok. things will get better. maybe not immediately, and not without work, but they do get better! you can do this. if you hang on, you'll find that you have the strength to do this.

have you thought about professional support at all? they can be helpful in getting things better faster

[silent_scars11]

I agree with Kiandra3, sometimes I feel like I'm seeking people's permission to SI, to lessen my guilt after having done it. So I guess I'm just saying that I understand how it feels to have it kind of take over every aspect of your life - when it's the only thing you think about, but doing it only makes you think about it more - it's a vicious cycle.

But I do want to give you some hope. I've had moments where I thought my live was just not going to be worth living anymore if I had to stop SI'ing. On one of the first nights that I was serious about quitting, I really had bad suicidal thoughts. And although I haven't quit yet and I still struggle, I feel I've pretty much gotten past that point now. There are actually days when I barely think of SI, and sometimes I'm shocked that a whole week or so has passed and I haven't harmed myself. So even though that may be impossible for you to imagine right now, I promise that someday you'll get there.

Thank you for being so open and posting here. It's really admirable that you want to get better and you're fighting this thing, even though it's really hard to do. We're behind you, many of us have been in your shoes, and we want to help you get through this.

Please take care