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Old 23-08-2016, 05:20 PM   #1
Sanderson
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
I need to leave her now! But how?

Hi. So this is it. My post. Here we go.

I want to leave my partner of nearly two years. We have a 3 month old son. I detest my partner. I cannot bare to be with her any longer.

We met volunteering in a far away land. I'm from England and she is from Nicaragua. We were selected to volunteer in the same community and actually everything was amazing. I was in love and crazy for her. I went back to England after the volunteering and 6 months later I went back to Nicaragua to live with her.
Durin these 6 months we grew apart and had arguments and she said not to come back. But I told her again and again, the reason why we are not getting on is because we are not with each other, face to face.
Really I should have listened to her and stayed in England.
I had my plan what I wanted to do after I finished volunteering but love got in the way. As soon as I got there things were not right. That love we had didn't ignite back into thr fire it once was in the community we volunteered. It was agony. It was if she hated me. She didn't want me there.
There was this other guy on the scene. She was seeing him and I wasn't in the picture really.
Long story short I got her pregnant.
We were living together. We argued. We hated each other really. After a while it turned out she had been with many men in my absence.
But I was an idiot and I stayed with her still.
Anyway, pregnancy comes to 8 months of bitterness and violent arguments and I still said when we get to England everything will be okay. When the baby comes, we'll love each other again.
How wrong was I...
We got to England and were refused entry at the boarder even though we had all our papers. Another long story short, she doesn't have right to remain.. she was given temporary admission untill 2017. So she has no rights really.
She gave birth in England... It was then she turned into a monster. If she hadn't been a monster already she definitely has become one now.
She is abusive, argumentative, intolerant, careless, violent.
The police have been called numerous times to stop our fights.
Last week she was punching me and pulling my hair and telling me to focus on our son while I was trying to change his nappy. She was calling me stupid and dirt and all sorts of nonsense so I lost my rag and slapped her. Not the first time I've had to do that to get her off me.
I'm never violent first. I always take so much of it from her before I do something. And then she calls assault.
I went downstairs to get away from it and then she dragged me back upstairs by my hair and forced me over the cot to look in my son's eyes so I would apologise to him for being dirt. I was choking on the bars as she pressed. I had already hit her. I wasn't going to do it again. I just took it from her. Shorty after, the police arrived. I called them. Unprofessionally they told me to go for full custody of my son...
Let me just get this straight, first my partner has post natal depression and I do the majority of all things baby related when I'm not working 40 hours a week. She is just a nasty sad depressed person. She never wanted any of this with me. She didn't want a son with me. And you know what, I didn't want a son with her.
What she has put me through over the past year has been horrific and I have taken far too much of it. I forgive too easily. I've let her control me just to stay away from her everlasting anger. I can't do it anymore.
My dreams of making things better and staying hopeful and trying to remember the good times are gone.
I no longer want to be with her. I can't take it anymore.

She hasn't once let me post a photo of my son on Facebook. She stops me from talking to my friends. She makes me rely on her. She doesn't allow me to take my son on my own to the park. She doesn't let my mum see my son.

Nobody knows I have a son apart from my immediate family. She has controlled so much of my life.

I want to leave her.

But I can't.

She has no rights in this country because of her immigration status.

She can't get a house. She can't work.

I'm stuck with her.

I need to get out.

This is my story. My **** story of a life so far. Something so bad came out of something so good in the community volunteering.

I tell you what .. right now I want to leave them both. I want to focus on my life again and continue with my plan that I had before I met my partner.

Sometimes I think the best thing to do is make her go back to her home country with my son. I am so unhappy that I don't feel like a dad. Like this is all a mistake and we would be so much happier separated. For all of our sakes me my son and his mother.

I want to be on my own. Completely on my own. For a while anyway. I want to focus on myself. My happiness. I want to believe in myself again and love myself. She has done so much damage. I want her to go. Someone please take her home.

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Old 23-08-2016, 06:54 PM   #2
whirlpools
 
Join Date: May 2008

Hi there

I'm so sorry to hear you're in such a difficult and miserable situation. Understandably you must be feeling trapped and at the end of your tether.

Have you ever had a DNA test to confirm your paternity to the baby boy? Also, is your partner getting professional treatment for her post natal depression?

I know you feel that it was unprofessional for the police to suggest applying for full custody of your son, but I was wondering something similar. It sounds like it's very difficult for you to contemplate this at the moment as I imagine the trapped feelings are overwhelming, but if he's your son, he needs you.

Have you spoken to your family about how things are at home?

I also wanted to leave this link here so you can maybe find out about further support and options for male victims of domestic violence.

http://www.mensadviceline.org.uk

http://www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/help-for-men/

Edit: just to add, I agree fully that you need to be away from her. The violence is physically and emotionally dangerous. It's just trying to find the best way to do that from the professionals, hence the above link.


Last edited by whirlpools : 23-08-2016 at 07:10 PM.
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Old 24-08-2016, 09:47 PM   #3
bitomato
 
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Join Date: Nov 2005
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I think that you have several choices.
Until 2017 you and your partner have some decisions to make.
Has your partner been diagnosed with post partum depression? Is a health visitor coming to the house to check on the baby?
You probably do need a lawyer.
If your partner wants to go back in 2017 you still may have child support obligations that can land you in trouble in the future.
The baby needs to be safe. Maybe it can stay with your family while your partner and you get treatment and counselling and some respite.
The baby could be put up for adoption too when you and your partner decide going forward.
Log every abuse when what why go to the hospital and talk to a lawyer asap.





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You say toe- may- toe, I say toe- mah- toe:
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It’s time to lead the third revolution, which is not to say we want to be at the top of the world, but to say we want to change the world. Because the way the world has been designed by men is not working. It’s not working for women, it’s not working for men,
it’s not working for polar bears
.” Arianna Huffington 2014

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