I just want to be home with my dog and be able to catch up on schoolwork and go back to work.
That is why nutrition is important. You won't be able to do those things a) at all if you continue to no eat/ hydrate or b) to your full potential if you don't eat and hydrate properly.
That is why nutrition is important. You won't be able to do those things a) at all if you continue to no eat/ hydrate or b) to your full potential if you don't eat and hydrate properly.
Great point here! Also:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auror.
We did this weird group thing about values.
I came up with seven on my own. But I guess there were these 100 cards with words on them, and you were meant to choose ten of them as your values.
There are the ten I chose: (and ironically honesty is one of my seven)
openness
respect
passion
self-expression
understanding
courage
calm
honesty
freedom
safety
I think this is a really good list--I have done a similar activity before and found it really enlightening about myself. It may also help to start to think about how you can apply these values to your own health and yourself in general. The ones that immediately jump out at me as closely connected to your recovery/health are:
Respect--respecting what your body needs to function and respecting yourself Self-expression--From some of what you've you have said it seems like your not-eating comes from a feeling that your body will match your internal identity more if it is smaller and therefore less feminine. If you had better outlets for expressing this part of yourself maybe these feelings would diminish? Understanding--similar to respect, understanding is not just something we direct towards other people but towards ourselves too. Be gentle with yourself. Courage--You have been really brave with continuing to try to work towards recovery despite your anxiety, discomfort, and distress. I hope you're acknowledging that and recognising it! Safety--Thinking of what I said regarding self-expression, do you feel you are in a setting within your life where it's safe to express your feelings/identity/experiences? If not maybe this is why you feel the need to control it in other ways.
I hope you don't mind me giving my ten cents here.
Wise words from Lillie; has that helped you to understand the importance of nutrition?
In terms of the meal plan, would it be possible for the IP place to communicate with the day patient place about what worked well with your meal plan there? It sounds like there being some continuity between the two places would be helpful for you and make you feel more able to eat.
The dieticians have communicated, which is why they made changes to my meal plan and tried to match what I was having more closely. But it is still weird and is more and I am not okay with it.
I was late today because I suck at mornings so they made me eat breakfast and morning snack at the same time. Then lunch. Then they tried to say I could not go home and I was already just panicking and done and I came home and emailed my team and the director (since I have no idea who all is working or who to tell) to say that I am not coming back today. I am falling asleep at my keyboard so I am going to go back to bed even though it is mid-afternoon. I do not care.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
You have been through a lot in the past few weeks, it's no wonder you are exhausted. I hope you get some rest so you can go back in next time prepared to keep moving forward.
Last edited by Dreamer And Believer : 22-10-2016 at 09:30 PM.
I did go back today. The director said she wants to meet with me tomorrow. I guess the whole leaving thing is kind of an issue she gave me "homework" about it or something I do not know.
Struggling.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
Hi. Carmen could you speak to the director what is so hard and get a. Plan in place for the times you struggle to stay ? As it sounds like you would be at risk without this level of support. Thinking of you. Cuddles to your lovely dog too xx
^ I agree with this. It would be good to work out what to do when you feel like you're unable to stay. Figure out together what can make it easier, and what can help when you feel distressed.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
I wrote out two and a half page (word document) trying to explain what makes me feel like I need to leave. They all said it was very helpful.
I guess I am not getting kicked out? They did not mention it.
This morning after breakfast I met with my therapist and she had brought her dog in. So we did that and then she let me take him into a separate room alone and work on schoolwork. She even brought my snack in so I got to eat snack with him and just her quietly. Then left me alone to work on schoolwork again until lunchtime, when I had to eat with the other humans.
They let me go home after lunch to take my dog out, which they said is going to be allowed every day, and they agreed that they are still going to say I need to eat lunch, but being allowed to go take my dog out is not going to be dependent on whether or not I have eaten, because the need remains regardless of that. So they said that made sense because I argued it should not be something that is contingent upon eating when my dog needs out regardless of what is going on.
I came back after going home and met with the director and my therapist and the psychiatrist. That was when they said that, and they said they want me to think about what the benefits of day treatment are, even if I do not fully understand or agree with them. They have said if I am struggling to identify how it will help or what good it will be for me and the things that are important to me, it makes a lot of sense that I am struggling to be there on top of everything else.
Then they let me come into the separate room again to work on homework, and my therapist brought my snack in here. So I guess not getting kicked out? I am exhausted and I know I should keep doing schoolwork but I really kind of just want to lay down. They mentioned they want me to do group things and dinner soon, and I am unsure I can deal with it today.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
Carmen, it sounds like the place you're doing treatment is trying so hard to work with you--that is all so positive that they are listening to you and what you need and are willing to be flexible to that. It also shows that you are finding ways to communicate your needs to them. I am really pleased for you. How do you feel about the outcomes of the meeting and the plans going forward?
I am unsure? I feel like they are meant to be mad at me because I keep fucking things up.
They came in because I sort of started to have a meltdown because there are a lot more humans today than there are normally and they said I could stay in the separate room and do schoolwork for a bit. They even turned most of the lights off for me. They asked me to take this quiz thing which was just checking off things if they seemed accurate? It is something about sensory processing disorder? I am unsure.
My ears hurt and I kind of just want to go curl up in a ball with Lyra and not exist. But I am trying to do some schoolwork since they said I had to wait until after lunch to go home.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
