Triggering (SI) - Weird episode today, couple of questions...
Well I was in my room yesterday and was just about to leave it when out of absolutley nowhere I just picked up a blade and started trying to think of a reason to cut myself......
Wasn't any trigger, hadn't been thinking about it at all but then I just picked up the blade and thought of reasons why I should...I thought of a couple easy enough and so cut a couple of times.
Also, I like spending a lot of time by myself and will often talk to myself and never really thought it to be a mental issue, but after I had done these couple of cuts, I went really weird and if anyone had seen me they would have used the word "mental/crazy" without hesitation, and it really made me think that I might have a bit of a mental "problem" (for want of a better word) but I'm only ever like it when I'm alone so does that even count?
I know cutting without a trigger is commen (seen other threads about it), I felt like I wanted to be a "proper" self-harmer and often feel guilty because I know others on here have been through SO much worse than me...
Also wanted to see if the whole "talking to yourself" thing is commen (sometimes just thinking-outloud, sometimes just talking as if someone else was there too). Do people often do it? Does it have any mental relevence?
Last edited by shadow in the background : 16-09-2007 at 01:37 AM.
Reason: correcting a bit
I think what you are describing is quite commonly experienced by other individuals. First off, know that there is no such thing as a proper self harmer you, there will always be someone worse and better of than yourself, and it doesn't give you an excuse to berate yourself. I am not suggesting that self harm is acceptable, but it is a form of coping that you have found to be working for you at this time in your life...it isn't about what you have or haven't been through. We all deal with life and the struggles and experiences that we are faced with differently...you can't judge yourself to others if you don't have mirror image lives, it's pointless, and only degrading yourself for something that you don't have control over...remember that okay. you are just as important as the person next to you.
I think in terms of cutting without a reason it is quite common. We become addicted to self harm in many ways, physcially and emtionally especially for the feelings that we get from hurting ourselves..some feel relief, others pain, others nothing, it's all relative to who you are. I think when you are dealing with those times when you don't really have a reason to cut you should ask yourself do I really need to do this, or am I doing this because I feel like I should?
You didn't say in your post if you are trying to reduce the amount or stopping self harming completely however I would suggest that when those feelings of I need to hurt myself for no reason come up, try doing something more constructive and positive, our minds can get bored sometimes and they think of things that will pass time and that we enjoy...you have to teach it to do other things. Writing, reading, going for a walk, watching tv, simply walking away from the urge.
In terms of the talking to yourself part, I think that comes with spending time alone, it's natural to talk out loud or have a conversation that could be had in your head in the open, because well silence sometiems needs to be broken. I don't think you are crazy in the slightest. In terms of the being alone part, that comes usually with the territory of self harm, I know for myself it was that secret that no one knew about and I enjoyed that time spent with myself.
In terms of mental illness, there could be underlying issues as to why you are cutting and dealing with emotional anxiety and stressors...and for that I would suggest speaking with someone. Have you ever thought of working with a therapist or someone to help you through what you are currently strugglign with? It may be something to look into because cutting isn't a solution darling, as much as it may seem like it is, in the long term it only complicates things further and it would be good for yourself to start building upon positive coping strategies that could help you when things get tough.
I hope this is off some assistance, please let us know if we can be of any more help. You're not alone anymore, RYL is here.
about the talking to yourself thing. a few years ago i was in a crappy situation (**** job, had to move house etc) and i ended up being so stressed about it, and so i ended up making a mantra/chant that i repeated to myself whenever i felt really bad. even now i find myself doing that sometimes, even though contextually it is meaningless. so dont worry about it, its probably nothing.
I talk to myself when I'm scared or nervous. It's pretty normal. If someone starts talking back thats when its a good idea to see a psychologist.
"I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night wanting, but still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing, I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen."
I'm not much help here... just wanted you to know I talk to myself too. I've never considered it to be a mental issue, just something I do to vent things. If I'm concerned about something, or if something in particular is on my mind, I talk it through with myself. It's not that I don't have anyone else to talk to that would understand, it's just that I don't really want anyone's opinion, I just need to think it through. And I do that best by talking out loud. Or sometimes, pretending to talk to someone else (most often the person involved in the "problem".)
So for all that it's worth, I don't think you're crazy or have a mental problem. Get a cat, that way you actually have someone to adress (and it does make me feel less crazy ;))
